Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day to all of you Moms reading this.

I hope that you all feel as thankful and lucky as I do, to have the best job in the whole world!

I'm not gonna lie and say that everyday is awesome... because I live in the real world.... some days stink... but most days I wake up with a smile and go to bed with one too!

I am super lucky to get to stay home with my kids. I get to watch them grow and learn, explore and discover, experience and blossom every. single. day. I can't imagine a better way to spend the majority of my days.

I am blessed to have some spectacular kids who have given me the chance to find out some of the best (and worst) parts of myself, by making me what (in my opinion) I do better than anything else in this world... being a Mama.

Thank you guys for giving me the gift of Motherhood!

You are all amazing in such different special ways.

I never knew a deeper or more powerful love!

You all make me so proud!

and with that... my babies!

Today I am thankful that I have been able to deliver three beautiful spirits into this world, and in that discovered one of the best parts of myself.

I am grateful to have been able to have healthy, beautiful children who will make this world a better place, in their own special ways!

blog post attempt # 347

ok, maybe I haven't tried to do 346 previous blog posts... but it feels like it.
things have been decidedly hectic at the Fey household this week!
again..
yes, I know you are probably getting bored with posts about how my life overwhelms me... but imagine being the overwhelmed one all the time!! : P

list of top however many things spinning through my brain at a torrential rate...

I am getting my surgery in just a few days.
This makes me simultaneously happy and scared.
I know logically that I will be fine.
Nothing will go wrong and I will be going home a few short hours from the time that they put me under....
BUT... I have only been put under two other times in my life, first during a routine removal of my wisdom teeth, where I woke up in the middle, with the first sound being one of my teeth being shattered.. hence throwing me into a panic(from the confusion of waking up that way) and having to be gassed... waking up with bruises all over my arms, apparently from trying to pull out the tubes when I was originally waking in the middle of surgery... and confusing memories of the whole thing.. not exactly the most pleasant experience of my life. Of course the other time went just fine. I had to have an emergency appendectomy. Unfortunately, when I woke up the next day I puked and puked.. still not sure if it was from the anesthesia or what... either way the whole thing leaves me a little uneasy.

ok that's one of the things taking turns on my inner merry-go-round.
another is that my boy has been acting wacky for about a week and a half. Is it that he is picking up on my own anxiety? Does he know something that I don't know? Is he teething like a crazy man? Is he going through his own completely unrelated issues, tripping out because he is getting so much more independent that it scares him at times?
no clue... but I do know that I am having a harder time being patient with him, since it is going on over a week of him being velcro boy, who cries every time I put him down... do you remember that sharpie commercial (I think) where the baby cries the second his toe touches the floor, but is fine when he is being held by his mom? Well, that is my boy..and his almost 30 pound butt is hard to carry around right now.. because of this darn hernia...

another thing going on is that my amazing daughter, Emily, has decided that now would be an interesting time to have a few completely age appropriate, yet no less frustrating, teenage growing pains of her own right now... for those of you with little ones... it doesn't get any easier when they need to test their boundaries when they get older...trust me!

and a deep dark secret from a part of my head where I don't go often, has been thrown in every once in awhile, too... if something were to go horribly wrong... my babies wouldn't even remember me, Emily would but the babies are too little to have much more than people tell them later. I know that nothing tragic is going to happen. It is much more likely that if something went wrong, I would poo in a bag for the rest of my life(oh yeah, that's another unpleasant thought making a cameo in my head...because let's face it... that would suck!), and not that I wouldn't make it through... it is a very standard non-complicated procedure... but honestly, I haven't even had my last two babies in a hospital(I had them both in the same bed, with amazing midwives, and the same nurse at a free standing birth center... I'll tell you about it sometime... they are both good stories! : ) I know that even giving these thoughts a second glance gives them more energy, but it's hard to keep them from making an appearance every once in awhile anyway...

Well, there's a glimpse into my crazy right now.. I really am ok.. and I KNOW that everything will be fine. I just have to try and slow down the race going around in my head.
Oh I forgot to mention that a frantic woman called me YESTERDAY about the fact that I need to have a two hour pre-op appointment on Monday.. no other day... well my hubby has to take 4 days off for me to do this and that is a kind of big deal around here... we need him to work every day that he can.... so... blah blah blah.. it's worked out... but I do wish they had told me about that when I called and asked them about it almost a month ago...sigh.. whatever... it will be ok. I am just ready for it to be over soon!

On a completely different front... we tried to go to the zoo today, but ended up taking an amazing adventure on the search for proof of spring at the park today. We found all different sorts of seeds, and have officially adopted two trees. We are going to watch them through the season to see what happens. We played in a big puddle for almost 30 minutes... and they still didn't want to leave.
I LOVE SPRING!!!!
Thank you bringing new life and beauty into the world. What a glorious time of year!! : )

Today I am thankful that I am able to get this surgery done very soon and start a new healthier life.

I am glad that we were able to salvage a pretty rough morning with some sunshine and dirt! : )

The Zoo

The weather has broken a little bit... and we are feeling the spring fever around these parts like CRAZY!!!

So as soon as it hits the 50's we get outside!

One of the best investments that we make every year is getting memberships to the zoo and the amazing museums that we are lucky enough to have here in the Burgh. The initial cost is SO worth feeling like you can go to the zoo for an hour and a half, instead of feeling like we need to get a full $30 of fun out of every single visit. During the nice parts of the year we go to the zoo at least once a week. The kids LOVE the animals..and even though it may seem silly, they love the little play area too. So yesterday when I saw that the rest of the week was going to be kind of chilly still... highs in the 30's AGAIN.. well we packed up our tea party and hit the road!

This is the second time we visited the zoo in less than a week so I am throwing up some pictures from both visits. : )

these little blooms where starting to pop up everywhere... like little gifts of sunshine, reminding me that spring is right around the corner! : )

We LOVE the sea lions.. they were ready for spring too, if you know what I mean... and were very "frisky" while we were there. They are so active and fun and I swear they like the interaction with people because it seems like they play with us in the window. We spent a lot of time hanging out with them. fun stuff!

my cheater version of taking a picture of myself (and Roscoe in the wagon!) when I'm out in the world! : )

Roscoe LOVES the fishes... a lot... I won't tell him that they would probably love to eat him...

look at those things...BIG!!

Roscoe looking at a polar bear up top, while Sophia checked out the guy in the water.

tea party at the zoo...super fun climbing tubes in the background.

Roscoe had fun climbing on a big alligator type thing... this is his stinker puss! : )

...the static cling hair is cracking me up here!

Sophia wanted to kiss the sheep.

the sheep wanted to eat her little plummy, peanut buttery fingers.

Mama said "no" to both parties!

It was a good time and I am SO excited to be able to get outside and run around!!

I have been working on lesson plans to help me get a little more organized in teaching Sophia. She is only 3 so it is just pre-school stuff, but she is very receptive to it.. so I am looking forward to this new part of our relationship. I am looking forward to using a lot of experiences in the zoo to "learn" from. It will have a wealth of inspiration!

I am off to finish up Emily's book. Her birthday is in two days... TIME.IS.RUNNING.OUT!!!

Tonight I am thankful to live in a city with an excellent zoo, as well as a fantastic park system. It is a big reason why I LOVE my city. My very favorite time of year is almost here... giddyup!!

Tea, for three!

Spring is on its way here to our house... but sometimes the weather doesn't cooperate as much as we'd like. The other day it was "supposed" to be a nice day out... it rained all day and I think we spiked at about 29 degrees that afternoon.
So it the midst of a rather dreary, and frustratingly housebound day... we decided what we needed was to have a tea party picnic!

I felt very clever about having this idea, because before I made the decision to have a fun activity, the kids and I both were kind of grumping around. The house was mess from playing all morning and I was looking at eating up a good 45 minutes of my (much needed) quiet time as clean-up time instead, after having a disappointing lunch of PB&J, and no going to the park.... : /

as I was making sandwiches.. it hit me...
Let's have a tea party picnic!

So, I changed my attitude around and got very excited as I told the kids what we were going to do. They picked up on the excitement right away, and got very into the idea.
Here's the tray of prepped food all ready to lay out for the munchkins.

Instead of me having to do all the clean-up (like I often do, just to make things easier and faster for myself) we decided that if we all put everything away really quickly, we could lay out a blanket in the middle of the floor for our party. Sophia and Roscoe both cleaned up faster than I have ever seen them do before!

While I made the lunchtime goodies, they tidied up their toys and started bringing me the plates, cups, bowls, serving dishes, and teapot. I washed them up really quickly, and Sophia was very excited about getting to dry them for the food. I love these play dishes we have because they are made in the USA, from old milk jugs... and they are fun colors that make food a little more interesting than the "adult" dishes.
Plus, to up the FUN factor I made everything into small bite sized pieces. We had good old PB&J, but they were cut into small squares, which made them MUCH more fun to pop in your mouth! We also had small squares of plum, cherry tomatoes, avocado cubes, grapes, and a grapefruit(ok not small but the pieces I pull out for them to eat are... in the end! : )...)






We had tea (water) in little teacups. Both of the kids drank a lot more water with lunch than usual... turns out if you want your kids to drink water.. you just have to play Tea Party.. who knew? : )



Although I feel I should mention that if your little people are under the age of two or maybe even three... this is most likely what will occur eventually during the meal... but of course it IS just water, so if you go into it knowing it will happen... it doesn't need to be a huge deal! The change of clothes before nap time was well worth it to me!


We all ended up having a great time of it. I hope to do it often now, as Sophia asks me if we can do it again everyday. I am thinking once a week will make it still fun and not turn it into something drone... but we'll see.

Just thought that I'd share a fun way to spend some time inside your own house..even if that's the last place you wanted to be! : )


the bear got some food too!

















Today I am grateful that we can have fun, even though our plans don't always end up going the way we thought they would! : )

Simple Family Fun with Food!

Tonight we made pizzas for dinner.
I know that this is nothing new.. but it always turns out so good, so I thought I'd share.
We only ever do this when the Boboli crust is on sale. I know it's not homemade, but yeast scares me, so we must all learn to deal. BUT Boboli crust WAS on sale, so we picked up a two pack of little crusts, one for each of the little ones, and Al, Emily, and I had a big one. Emily likes the original crust, Al gets the thin, and I get the whole wheat, which is really good.. if not a little sweet.

We all get to make our own pizza exactly the way that we want it... which in a family of five is nice, because of course we all have our favorites!

Al's is always lots of pepperoni, and maybe a few onions and hot peppers.

Emily went with a heavy cheese and pepperoni, today.

Sophia had onions, pepperoni, and sweet peppers. She made it all by herself... which made her very proud!

Roscoe had barely a smidge of cheese, lots of cherry tomatoes, and some caramelized onions. He ate more of the toppings before they got cooked than after! : )

Everyone's was different , but they all came out so pretty, and yummy! I somehow forgot to take pictures of mine and Al's, I think it was because we had to wait for the second round in the oven, and by the time we ate...we were hungry!!
but I took this one right before I ate mine.

Half white sauce(that Al put together...SOOO good!) with halved tomatoes, sweet peppers, and caramelized onions. and half cheese, a few pepperoni, and hot pickled peppers.

Man, that was SO good! it is a fun interactive way for us to make dinner and we all get it just the way we like it, plus the kids and I have a pre-made lunch for Al's first day back to work. Nice!!

Try it sometime... it's fun , and if you choose the right toppings..well it could be worse for you, anyway!

Pizza makes the kids happy, and between us all we ate a pint or more of cherry tomatoes, and about 6 mini sweet peppers(red, orange, and yellow). They were so fresh and made me feel like, yes, one day the winter will end and springtime is getting near.. HOORAY! we can't wait here that's for sure!


and yes it's dinner with Sophia in her jammies.. it was in the single digits most of the day here and they keep her warm... so she wears them all day some days! : )

Today I am thankful for fun family times, even if it is as simple as homemade(sort of) pizza nights! : )

Busy, busy, busy!(again!)

It has been super busy around here lately.

It seems like there is always something going on...

... and mostly my free time is being spent on my daughter's book, if I'm not re-rolling toilet paper, changing diapers, or building castles with blocks or sheets and chairs...
I haven't gotten many more replies.. but I have talked to most of the people and they say that they are coming. Right now, I am writing out my own cards. I have a lot of things I want to tell her, so my thoughts will be interspersed with everyone else's.

I am feeling a little overwhelmed because I so want for it to be nice... I just want to make it worth keeping around...

I am also struggling with having a bit of a selfish period going on right now.
I want to do things for me... and it feels strange, to me and my family.
I spend a lot of time doing things for other people... and I enjoy it... but lately I just want a little space. I have been feeling so very nostalgic lately... maybe it's facebook and hearing from all these old friends... or not really friends friends... whatever that means..
or maybe it is Emily's birthday and thinking about how much it changed my life forever.

I feel very blessed that she came into my life. I love her so much and I am so proud of her. I sometimes worry that I take too much pride in her, but I don't know if that is possible for a mother. She is on a path to great things, and I hope that when I am done with this project she will feel the love that I am pouring into it.

On a completely selfish note- again! I am going to talk with an artist about my newest tattoo tomorrow. Funny enough, it is the father of one of my daughter's friend. I like his work a lot! I actually saw a piece of his up in the studio that Emily and I went and screen printed in last week. She has been working on a project with her art teacher, (who I really like a lot! she is her teacher for her focus classes during her one day a week at gifted). There is a new children's hospital that is almost done being built here in the Burgh and some of the kids work is going to be up on the walls. The kids did Warhol-esque prints in vibrant colors, in a two by two square, and Emily and I helped to print the outlines of the toys that were on those prints, in different colors to make them really pop from the screen...

it was really fun! We laughed and co-operated and maybe we'll get to go to the presentation to see them up on the walls, because that would be cool.... fun stuff!

Anyway, sorry that my posts have been lacking.
I miss it when I am gone.
I think of twenty -two different posts daily! : )
I just can't make it here, unless I'm being an insomniac... like now!
We have also been fighting off a very persistent infection.. that hasn't gotten a good hold, but is stubbornly lingering! Oh and there was that thing with the ER again! Emily needed it this time... long story.. she had an unknown virus that caused her to break out in hives and then have this awful rash over her whole body... red raised, puffy eyes,crazy itchy... poor thing. She needed steroids and it took a few days before it helped completely... now she's doing MUCH better....

there is never a dull moment in this house, I swear!
so here's a few pics to show what's been going on around here!

mmm... a spur of the moment cauliflower/sweet potato/ garbanzo bean soup. it was super tasty and the kiddos dug it lots! It was sort of sweet because the stock I made that morning had so many carrots in it (I save all my scrubbed outside peels, butts, and veggie leftovers and make a stock every week out of it...for my weekly soup). I used it to my advantage though and made this curried soup. good stuff.

This was the scene from Valentines Day, after Al got home from work. We made the kids bags... a movie, a little candy, and handmade cards from us.

And everyone made a card for Al, with construction paper, and hearts I cut out that they glued on, and some stickers, markers and crayons, too!

so sweet!

the kiddos digging in...all decked out in red! : )

Emily requested some Aloo Gobi with the rest of the cauliflower I had, so I made some from this recipe on Allrecipes, of course with a few modifications, such as adding a half a pound of tofu cubed, and only 1/2 a head of cauliflower. I make this all the time and the kids go nutso for it. I love this recipe... and I love my kids! I love that eat so many different things.

Some rockin' beef stew I made with a pot roast cubed, browned, and simmered for hours, with carrots, onions, potatoes and celery... with the edition of some Trader Joe's Bread. YUM!!

Today I am thankful for good food, good times, good friends, and good memories.

I am thankful that my kids eat my wacky food.

I am thankful that we love and respect each other around here(most of the time!)

Writers Workhsop- 10 things on my mind right this second... careful!

Here are this weeks prompts from Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop, you can click the the picture for the details...

The Prompts:

1.) Tell us about a lie you told that you later regretted.

I don't lie much... really, I'm a terrible liar... and I think that there could be worse things I sucked at...

2.) Choose a task you'd like someone to complete and write a poem asking them to do it.

hmmm... no

3.) Describe a talent you have.

I'm a good cook. I cook with my heart and soul. I'm not a top chef... although I like to watch the show... but I make good food that people like to eat, and that's good enough for me.

4.) Write a list of ten things on your mind this week.

1. Emily's birthday. She will be 14 on the 14th of March. This will be her "special" birthday, a tradition that I have that the year you turn the date of your birthday, is the special birthday. I don't' know why I started it... it is a lot of pressure... mine was actually honestly one of the worst days in my life... but that's another story... needless to say, I want very much for her to feel special on this day... it is a constant murmur in the back on my head.

2. Hernia surgery. I have everything set up so that I can schedule my appointment, but want to wait until after Emily's birthday, and give Roscoe a little longer to grow up... because he isn't weaned yet.

3. babies... am I done?... or do we want just one more... will the diapers ever end?... I go back and forth... and I am just really not sure that I am done yet... but I am getting older and don't want to wait too long... but I'm totally satisfied with our family unit... but I'd have 12 babies with my husband because this house is full of love... but economic crisis.......

4. facebook-I recently joined, and because of it have become more connected with my family, even ones I haven't spoken to in a decade... trip on that! My grammie (one of my very favorite humans on the entire planet) is 76 and she is on facebook... TRIP on that!! I've gone from talking with her weekly to getting updates daily... that is so very cool... especially since we don't have travel money ...and time doesn't stop because of that fact.

5. my anniversary- it is on Leap day. there is no leap day this year, so we can celebrate whenever... but the day we were going to go out, is now the day of Emily's big school dance this year and now I will not be able to do it... because I am a mom... I want to send her to the dance... and I don't want to think about her when I'm on my date with my man... we're renting a nice hotel room, downtown, and hanging out and eating good food... and drinking good wine... and making love...and I don't want to worry about some boy groping my daughter... or god forbid her groping some boy... I want to think about the fact that I have my man and no kids in the next room... it'll work out... it's not on the real day anyway, right?

6. Barack Obama- I like him. I believe in him. I know that he is naive to Washington DC, but that is one reason I like him. I will not criticize him for trying to change things. I don't think that he will do all the things he wants to do. But I do believe that he will do the best he can. He's not a god. He's a man. I happen to believe that he is a good man... with good ideas, as well as ideals. I like to think that he will do his very best... because he really does care. I don't care if people are cynical.... I drank the kool-aid a long time ago. I was so excited when he ran, because I had followed him anyway... He makes me feel proud to be an American... I have always been proud... I come from a military family... but I think that there is an arrogance that some Americans have... that I don't like so much.... but, that is part of what is great about America, I guess, people don't have to think the same way and when there is a good solid debate about things then both sides generally learn from the other. I wish people would give him a chance, because with a little help from all of us. I do believe we can change the world... what?

I already admitted to being a stinky hippie... : )

7. teething- my son may or may not be... he is cranky and clingy... and adorable, but needy right now... he is hitting the stage of temper tantrums... and it's fascinating and scary, to watch him act so differently... he threw his head back and kicked his feet at me like a cartoon character today. I laughed at first (oh only to myself... and only for a second, trust me) because I couldn't believe he was doing it. I had to walk away... and come back in a bit when he was done. it was loud. and sad for him. he got over it and we gave lots of hugs when he was done. he is sweet... his poor little brain is just exploding in so many directions right now... I think it can be overwhelming at times.

8.long days- Al is going into a 2 long day stretch. he will work for over 24 hours in the next 48. he has to cover for a coworker, who passed away last week. at the restaurant. so sad. 27. 2 kids, out of nowhere. he worked with him 3 or 4 days a week. it happened at work on a day my man had off. cardiac arrest. over in minutes. sad. totally weird. kind of creepy.

9.Emily's project- I have a project in the works for my daughter for her birthday that has been in some stage of the process since September. I will put up a post on it soon. I'm not being coy, it just seems that life goes fast. there are so many things to do at any given moment and I just don't have the leisure time to do all the things I'd like to do. blogging has been on my mind but not feasible as much as I'd like it to be... my family always comes first with me.. and there's a lot of us, so it's pretty time consuming! : )

10.Tattoos- I have a few tattoos...and I have several more in my head... some have been there(in my head) for awhile and some are new.. but most have been in my head for a long, long time. I am ready for another one to be on my body. I love tattoos and if I was made of money I would probably look like Kat Von D... luckily for me, I'm not made of money.. because as much as I love them, all the ones I have are so sentimental... I like people to be able to see them and after awhile you get lost when there are too many... that being said I have a huge backpiece that has been in my head for at least 10 years and maybe even more... there is a whole plan... piece by piece... and I have been sketching some of them out recently. two of the four that I have I drew... although one of them was a very rough idea... one was traced from my design. one of the others a friend of mine drew when we were 14(yup 14). at the time it was supposed to go on my left breast... as I aged(and had a baby!!) I decided the hip was a much better idea! and of course it was. I got it done about 11 years later. It was one of the very few things that I had in my bag when I left home... and came back pregnant. the last one was my very first tattoo. done when I was 17 with a guitar string/electric taped motor/ bic pen gun... in a trailer while we were all sitting around.

Pat asked me.. hey Ruth... want a tattoo?

me: sure, alright.

pat: well what do you want?

me: I dunno.. how a bout a lizard.

pat: ok

Yeah, I love Pat, but it looked like a tattoo done with it's lousy instrument... choppy and amateur... well about 5 years later he fixed it for meby going over and adding a lot to the old one, for free, in his shop... and now he's kind of a bad-ass, actually! I love it now, and it is bright and beautiful 13 years later, people still comment on it's beauty... thanks Pat! : ) I wish you didn't live over 2,000 miles away!

well, I know it has been a while since I put up a post, but there always seems to be so much stuff going on in my head... I have been actually writing in a journal.. you know with a (gasp!) pen... I just haven't been able to get things together on here... I have a few more posts in mind. This weeks prompt was perfect because I could release some of the "stuff"... and I feel better now.

Tonight I am thankful that my family lives in a house full of love!

I am thankful that my husband is healthy.

I am thankful that I enjoy my day to day life... because what else is there?

I am thankful that my daughter is in underwear... just like that... just like I kept saying to myself(but maybe not quite believing) it would happen.

the last 4 days and 5 stitches later

So it has been 4 days since I left you all hanging, right at the good part of "my big decision"...
and I am sorry for the delay.. but in the last 4 days, a lot has been happening at our house.
there was a mass exodus of bodily fluids exiting my two younger children, from just about every orifice... which as most of you mamas know... is not only pretty darn gross, but also incredibly time consuming...

Emily has had a slew of things going on, but they deserve their own time because what happened tonight trumps everything else for right now...

***right now***
my mind is racing... I am so spent... we just spent three and a half hours in the ER with our kids. Sophia was playing under the high chair and knocked into the recycle bag.. there was a torn up can in there because our STUPID F-ING CAN OPENER DOESN'T WORK RIGHT ... and within one minute Al(who thank goodness, had just walked in the door with groceries) picks up Roscoe and goes...oh my god... blood everywhere.... on the chair... on the floor... running down his hand... he nearly cut the top off of his ring finger on his right hand...
well after looking at it, I actually felt like I was going to throw-up... I am usually the uber calm one..
chanting continuously "everything is alright...let's call the doctor or .... let's get ready to go to the hospital, but it's going to be ok"... and so forth... well tonight..I couldn't...and I have to say that my shock and uncoolness made Al step up and take control..and he did well...
After over two hours in the hospital, I ended up having to take Sophia out in the car and drive to get her dinner
(ours was at home burning in the stove, because when we left I didn't think to turn off the stove.. it was literally like charcoal when we got home...the house smells awesome.still.rock.on!)
and try to explain why we couldn't go home and go to bed....
reason being: Al had to hold Roscoe in the front seat, for his very first ride without a car seat, to the hospital because he had to hold the finger because it was bleeding copiously... and we were afraid of what might happen if he was in his seat... so I had to go and Emily is in London...so I had to bring Sophia... and I had to be able to pick them up..and if I took her home and put her to bed I'd have to wake her up...put her back in the car...not worth it...

he ended up leaving with 5 little stitches in his tiny finger... and Al had to hold him down while they did it because he TRIPPED OUT!! I had to go because he wasn't allowed to nurse and he wanted to very badly so seeing me just made him sadder... Al's a cook and has cut himself so many times it wasn't as bad to him...bad but not woozy, black out bad...

needless to say the evening sucked.

and to top it off my husband lost his shit tonight when we got home and yelled at me in front of our kids... and I know that he was stressed... I was too.. but what he did was wrong...and I had to explain to my kids and eventually tell Sophia...Look, I don't want to talk about Daddy anymore for right now... do you know how much that sucks...
this is too raw... and open... it's too much!
my heart is hurting right now...
I'm sorry I guess the story is going to have to wait for now... because I can't focus on anything else right now...
I write, like I think, and I can't write about something I'm not feeling or thinking about... it just doesn't work.

Today I am thankful that my little boy is going to heal fully and be just fine, soon.
I am thankful that my husband was able to pull through at the hospital and do what needed done.
I am thankful that tomorrow is a new day, because I need a reset button right about now.

Writer's Workshop: My Favorote Photo from last month, P Hardest decision I have ever made...AND SPECTACULARLY PURPLE VOMIT!

1.) Tell us about a memorable blind date. never had one, that I can think of...

2.) Other than the birth of a child or your wedding, write about a joyous moment.
3.) Write about one of the most difficult decisions you have made in your life.
(creativewritingprompts.com)
4.) Share the best picture you took last month and explain why it's your favorite.

So, my first reaction to these prompts was to have this picture pop into my head...One of our favorite things to do in this house is to snuggle up on the couch together. We don't do it nearly as much as we should... because life gets busy... but right here... this is the good stuff!

I think that it is pretty obvious why this would be my favorite. I love my kids more than anything... and this picture has all three of them, displaying their very unique personalities!!

1)Emily- just lovely, the glowing smile, she and her brother are holding hands... and there is something about that face that just makes me happy! : )

2) Roscoe- those big beautiful blues (ignore the seemingly constant shiner healing under one of them! he's a bruiser!)... those crazy sticky-outy Putnam ears... he is named after my grandfather, and his son(my uncle, who passed away right after my sweet boy was born) and little did I know that giving him that name, bestowed upon him the FAMILY ears!! They are one of my favorite of his features, because they give him character, and I think they are adorable...of course I'll give you that I am fairly biased!! ; ) Plus, you might have to know him to see it, but in this shot you can just see that he is plotting something naughty!

3)Sophia- that is Sophia to the T. BIG and LOUD! She is a child who lives life hard. Whether it's the good times or the bad... she feels everything very deeply. It's just her nature. Now that I am seeing how trying Emily's puberty has already been(Emily the essence of calm and balance)... I live in fear... really... serious FEAR, of Sophia in 10 years!! I think that my mother might get her not so secret desire, that I have a child like me, with that girl!

3) Write about one of the most difficult decisions you made in your life.

This is the other one stands out to me more than the rest.

The decision that I will choose was both the hardest AND (once I listened to my heart) the easiest decision I have ever made. It changed my life forever. It is probably the single most important decision that I ever made as well.... because it started a long (and somewhat painful) process of healing myself, from the inside out.

I'm talking about the decision to birth and keep my daughter, Emily. Without getting too deep into the badness that was me at the time of her conception, I can say that I was at my lowest point, which is saying something, for me! ; )

I, like my Sophia, lived life hard. I felt things deeply, from the times of my earliest memories. I struggled with my body, being in my own skin, and inside my own head. By the time I was 16, I had been in rehab 3times(suicide,12, alcoholic coma 14, crystal meth 14- had my 15th birthday in rehab...oh yeah it was a partay!)... I actually started to settle down with my bad self for awhile... got into an"alternative" high school, and even technically graduated a semester early. Even though I had just turned 17, by this time both my mom and I knew it was just better for me to move out. She payed my rent with my Dad's child support and I lived in a little apartment, 90 miles away, and went to Beauty school because my mom wanted me to have a "skill". Things went well for awhile... but after a year or so... I started back up with my old bad habits and wasn't treating myself or body very well. I started a downward spiral... that quickly and very, very quietly spun completely out of control. Looking back now, I seriously wonder if I had some kind of chemical imbalance... it makes sense, I ate Chef Boyardee or something like it, if at all...and partied for the rest of my diet. The closer I was to people around me, the less I felt like I could talk to them... I remember thinking... I am totally going crazy.... I'm crazy, what is happening to me?

So, I ran away.

from my friends, my family, my life, my pain (or so I hoped) my sweet dear little kitty who had just had babies... just bolted. mature? no! but I do think that it saved my life. I was suicidal and really messed up enough to do it.. and it wasn't for attention.. it was because I didn't see any reason to continue the struggle of life.(yeah, and I wonder, where oh where, my kids get their inner drama queen from, right?) So I go on what I think in my head is my last trip to see a dear friend in Seattle.

I get there on his doorstep.. never calling or anything and he is so sweet and happy to see me... and for a week I pretend that I'm visiting... and I remember what it is like to laugh again... have fun... feel...

but then it's the end of the week and I make sure to leave for the "aiport" when he's working so he won't see me off (pre-9/11, so you could still go back with folks)... and just start to wander... I go to a seedy hotel with my last cash to"end it all"... and just can't do it... start... have some very faint scars still... but just can't do it... feel like a failure...

I can't even kill myself right...

so I'm on the streets.....scared, hungry, cold, alone, confused...NOT having sex for money(not that people didn't assume and try) so really broke...

hitchhiking, to go anywhere... I had to leave the city because I felt like I would bump into my friend and I didn't want to have to explain that I was a dumbass...

fast forward a couple of weeks...

I'm picking flowers on an off-ramp because as I am hitching, I get let off on a highway... this cop drives by and tells me I can't do that... I have to be on the off ramp... and then circles to make sure I stay there... I wasn't doing anything illegal... so he couldn't do anything about it... but he didn't want me on the highway...

so I get picked up, by a very attractive older man, who asks if I'm hungry and offers to buy me something to eat...of course I'm a dumbass, and so I say no thanks, but how about a pack of cigarettes.... he stops and buys me a pack... and some food. He was nice.. he wasn't lecherous. He was actually nice. He didn't try to get me drunk and offer lewd things... just nice.

So we talked, and hung out...and we connected somehow..it was easy to talk with him. He called some friends, a hippie couple with a little girl... and they let me stay the night... and the next day he helped me get into a shelter for women. He took care of me, in a kind way. We spent time together and ended up being somewhat of a couple.

Now let me tell you NOW when I think about it and he was sort of lecherous, right? I mean he was much older than me... but really, at the time it didn't seem creepy... at first... whatever he came into my life at a time when I was totally lost...I had nothing or no one... and he helped me... sort of... we would go out and play cribbage with his friends... go to BBQ's... he bought me cigarettes... at this point in my life two months and social gatherings together made this a VERY serious relationship! Then things started to get weird for me... I met a very nice woman at the shelter who was trying to get into my brain.. where had I come from?... didn't anyone miss me?... wasn't there anyone who I should tell that I was ok?

fast forward two months... time in the shelter was almost up... these are temporary homes... and with out a time limit people get comfortable and won't leave on there own (trust me...on that one)... I was terrified of contacting anyone that I knew... because I was embarrassed that I had lost my shit. This woman came in every weekend... she was a volunteer from some church... doing charitable work, by going to the shelter and helping out doing whatever needed done.... but she had taken an interest in me...and worked on me until finally I said that I would write me friend in Seattle a letter. I did. He called me at the shelter the day he got the letter.... saying please come back... I've been so worried... everyone is looking for you... why didn't you tell me? I guess that my letter had explained to him enough that he (being the amazing guy he is) wasn't mad at me at all... just really worried. So, I left the shelter... went back to Seattle. No good bye... just left... I didn't think that it would matter.

fast forward two more weeks... no period... go to a clinic..and my suspicions were right... I was PREGNANT!! I hadn't even contacted my family yet...

****cue the entry of the SPECTACULAR PURPLE VOMIT******

ok not in this story but in my life right now... as I was writing this last night I all of a sudden hear MAMA...MAMamamamamaaaaa..... I run upstairs to find my Sophia in bed crying, her bed and face and hands, covered in the brightest, most frightening purple colored vomit I have ever seen... we had berries for dessert last night... and I just don't have the leisure time to finish the post... I want to give it my all and I just can't right now... so I will finish it as soon as I can.. I'm thinking tonight? I'm hoping that the pukefest will have ended by then...and I will be able to come and focus on my story.

sorry guys..and thanks for reading until now! : )

Today I am thankful that Sophia can aim into a bucket when she is ISN'T sleeping! (I'll try to be thankful for something deeper next post ... right now I'll take what I can get! ew....)

busy, busy, busy!

I just felt like I wanted to throw up a smoke signal from over here in holiday land!
we are doing well... there is a lot going on right now at any given moment....
since my last post :
Roscoe discovered himself in the mirror...too cute! : )
our car broke down... so sad... : (
we got most of our holiday shopping done... : )
Emily had a holiday concert , in which she sounded beautiful... : )
I have made most of my homemade gifts... : )
I found an old friend/coworker that I had lost for the last three years or so...and I have been actively seeking out... gotta love the internet!!... : )
the pomanders are well on their way to preservation! ... : )
Sophia has been doing great...AND napping...and sat sweetly during the concert(SUPER exciting for me!)... : )
it has snowed a lot!... : ) / : (
we went to a holiday party and connected with some very sweet neighbors(always nice!)... : )
I have had some good and bad days, peppered together in that wacky way they tend to be this time of year... : ) /: (
and Al and I are doing really well...which I think in no small part has something to do with my newly (re)found path of joy... : )
Tally- more smileys than frowns equals doing alright!
just thought I'd pop on and say hello and that I hope every one's holidays, and more importantly lives are going well....
I hope to be able to put up more posts soon...
I've been taking pictures of everything, as always, and have some cute ideas... but seriously lack the time to put into making them the way I'd like to see them go up...

Today I am thankful the smell of our tree as I sit here and type.
I am thankful for the table full of homemade gifts that I will be able to share with people this year...just waiting for packaging!
I am thankful that I have NOT been struggling to find my joy for the last little while... I hope it lasts!! : )

Christmas tree joy!

Wow!!

It has been a busy few days! I guess that happens around this time of year... lots of fun stuff going on! I have a few things I had wanted to post, but I want to post one thing at a time... the most exciting(for me anyway!)is that ...

We got our tree on December 2nd. We always have good intentions of getting a tree early, but for one reason or another (usually involving money!) we get it last minute... well this year, I finlly got my way! I sat my hubby down and we talked about sacrifices (like working two jobs) VS. privilages (getting a tree early to enjoy as long as we can to make it worth the $$$!)...and we agreed that if we are going to get a tree we should enjoy it as much as possible! Plus, when you don't have a tree the holiday just seems to sneak up on you...and I want to enjoy this time.... because the kids are only little once! You know the anticipation is a lot of what I remember from being little...

It's not the stuff, but the excitement and feelings of warmth and happiness that I want our holidays to be about...

I won't say that we haven't tried to figure out a way to get the kids stuff too...but it is secondary to the feelings... and that is the way that it should be... the reality is that our kids have plenty... we don't live extravagantly, at all. Not that we wouldn't ; ).... but I think that's ok. We still have so much more than so many others.

I am lucky and blessed, and I like to acknowedge that!

So all the mushiness being said, the tree decorating wasn't all fun.. it got late and a little grumpy and slightly tense because of a light miscommunication... BUT it went up and the kids LOVE it!

I must admit that I love it too!

Probably more than a grown woman should! The last two years I didn't get to go on the tree hunt because of random things... I can't remember why the year before, but last year we hadn't gotten the mini-van yet and we don't all fit in the car at the same time... so I stayed home with a teeny Roscoe while Al, Emily, and Sophia went, not a huge deal. BUT this year we all went together and I got to choose the tree! I got a big fat tree that I fell in love with the second I saw it. When we got it home and in the stand I got to cut the string holding it up and was laughing and dancing around... well it was contagious and the kids got really into it too!

FUN STUFF!!

hee hee.. I truly think that sometimes I am MUCH too easily amused! : )

ring around the tree-o... yes I was singing, too! : )

POOF! It turns out it looks much bigger in the house, than amongst all it's bigger cousins in the lots!!

I turn the lights on every morning and smile while I watch the kids dance around it.

It fills the house with a luscious smell and a homey feeling. And we had to cut a few branches off the bottom so stay tuned for my how to make a wreath post... maybe tomorrow? I don't get the time to get on here as much as I like... but that's the life of a stay at home Mama! : ) My job never stops.. no lunch breaks or overtime pay here!

and that's ok by me, because if I can't get on here that means I am hanging out with the family... and that's the fun stuff! : )

I am thankful for a house full of fun and love!

I am thankful for the ability to geta tree early this year!

I am thankful for my goofball attitude..it lightens things up around here, which is sadly neccesary some of the time!

I am thankful that I have in my head several ideas for a thankfulness blog.. I am one lucky woman!

Leaf Windows

I know that I missed coming on Thanksgiving and being thankful... but I was and it was a great day with the family, so I didn't have time to come on here! I figured there were others holding up the thankfulness torch on that day!! : )

Thanksgiving was just a few days ago and now it is Christmas time everywhere!
I feel the pull and excitement of it more this year than I have in awhile... Sophia is at an awesome age, she is old enough to believe in the magic of it, and seeing that in her makes me feel happy and young and magical again myself.


SOOO... before I start getting into winter time activities and crafts, I have to show you the fun project we did with leaves.


We love going for walks in the park and playing at some of the wonderful parks here in the 'Burgh. I'm not from here, so I think that I appreciate the beauty of Pittsburgh more than some people who have always lived here. The desert is beautiful in a completely different way. But. I love the leaves changing and feel so lucky to live in a place where the kids get to see the change in the seasons.
I LOVE FALL!!


While we were going on walks together, we would pick up leaves that we thought were pretty. I would bring them home and put them in big books to dry out. I ended up with a good amount of leaves from different kinds of tress in all different colors. I put some up around the house in doorways, and the kids made "Leaf Windows".




Now, the truth of the matter is that this craft takes way more work for you than your kiddo... but it is super cute and the older they get, the more they will do... but I think it is worth it because they are awesome keepsakes! I love it when I get out Emily's old daycare stuff... it's funny actually because I've noticed that it's as much work to do it at home for two kids as for 15 at pre-school.. the extra supplies you need don't take that much more time it's the preparation you need that takes the time! : )
anyway, if you want a fun fall idea:


How to make a Leaf Window

what you need:

a bunch of dried leaves

non- toxic glue

a wet wipe-up rag( to catch any random messes,

we use cloth diapers)

see-through plastic

{ I used the bags from our diapers... I save everything, maybe to a fault...

and am always trying to use things as much as possible.

I was going to use saran wrap until I thought of these,
but think it would have been hard with Roscoe because it is so thin.}

1. Ok the first thing you do is cut two peices of equal plastic, for each window. I cut the half of a bag(from the diapers we use) into two peices(that way it was already pre-matched).

2. Then you get your table together with your supplies, a wipe-up rag, and wrangle your kids into seated positions!

3. Next , it is time to let the kids pick their leaves. I put some glue all over the plastic so they could just push the leaves onto it. This was Roscoe's first experience with glue.. and he did great!! Sophia did a good job too, they made me really proud! They had fun and so did I!

You can see that at the end Roscoe decided he didn't like the glue... but that is what the rag was for so no biggie!

The time the kids took doing this was about 5 minutes -tops! Then it took me a couple of nights to make the frames. I made them from old cereal boxes(see -crazy keeps everything lady!!). Just cut strips from the boxes and glue the obnoxious sides together and you get a nice brown(fallish even!) colored frame. Then hang them in the window. When the light comes through them they look really pretty!



I think I'd like to add some more color to the frames... with their names and also let them color around the frame... but I wanted them up before I wanted to put up snowmen...so up they went!

I am thankful for fun!
I am thankful that my kids will actually sit and do "centers" at the house.
I am thankful for my adorable children!
I am thankful to be home and able to spend an entire day playing with my kids, because they rock!