Thank you, Emily!

15 years ago (tomorrow) I became a mother.

My amazing daughter Emily joined the world and helped me to become a better person on March 14, 1995 at about 11:30 PM.

Before I had my daughter I was incredibly self-absorbed. I was a teenager (late teens, 20 by the time she was born, but still a teenager)... a teenager with issues even, so of course it was natural to be that way. I don't spend a lot of time in my life feeling regret. I generally do pretty well, making conscious decisions and knowing that once I have there's rarely an opportunity to turn back, so no since in feeling regret, right? But sometimes I do falter. Every once in awhile I will think back and wonder... what if...

...what if I had decided NOT to have baby at the age of 19, when I didn't have anything at all? Not a place to live, a supportive family, or even any friends at the time (the fact that I had pushed everyone away didn't really matter... HOW I got where I was, was much less significant than the fact that I was there...) and the simple answer for myself is that I truly don't think that I would be alive today. If I had gone through with the abortion as planned, I am completely convinced I would have spiraled into a suicidal behavior pattern that would have led to my death probably sooner rather than later.

The simple, singular decision to carry this little life to term, changed my life forever. For the better, and there is not a single day that goes by that I think I made the wrong choice. My daughter is the best thing that ever happened to me. I have been blessed with the opportunity to guide the most beautiful and amazing soul I have ever met. What an honor it is. I have never met anyone like her and I doubt that I ever will. She was a gift to me. She has given me the ability to look outside of myself. She has helped me to keep going in times that have been fraught with pain, loneliness, and struggle. She has given me the strength to look back in my life and try to heal my damaged heart and soul. She has given me more than I ever knew that she would on that day that I decided that I couldn't end her life before it had even started. And for that I want to thank her.

Thank Emily.

Thank you for being my daughter.

Thank you for teaching me how to love.

Thank you for making it so easy to love and open my heart in a way that I never knew was possible.

Thank you for teaching me how to be more patient, with myself and others.

Thank you for being you, and all the wonderful things that you are.

Thank you for loving me back.

I love you more than I could ever explain or express and nothing makes me happier than being your mother.

I love you kid!!!

{Sadly, I guess part of being almost 15 is that she is much harder to capture on film right now! I have so many more of the little ones who spend all day long with me everyday. This is the most recent picture I could find (where she wasn't in pj's and would NOT be ok with me posting them) of her and it was a picture I took over my head when she came up and gave me a hug from behind! Pretty good for an ambush photo, I think ! : )

I'm sure that I will get some good ones tomorrow on her birthday, but I'm glad I saw how few pictures I have of her recently... I will start to remedy that issue today!! }

Today I am grateful that I have a wonderful daughter who gives me such joy!

I am thankful that through all the changes in my life over the last 15 years, the one constant thing has been the love we share with each other.

I am thankful that as our relationship continues to grow and change, we have such a solid base of love and respect for each other. I hope that never falters!