...a little personal space, is a GOOD thing

contentment : )

kisses
and some cheese!

I have had the very best day today!

It all comes down to the baby getting a little more sleep. I hate to even write it out, because I don't want it to change... : )
...but she seems to be starting to fall into a tiny bit of a routine.
On the days when she isn't ravenously hungry that is (which tends to go in bouts of two-three days).

For the last two days, I have been able to get her back to sleep in the morning, before I go and get the other kids out of their room. They have been getting up and playing nicely until I come get them, about 30 minutes later, which is pretty good I think!

The day starts off much nicer when I am actually able to eat in the morning! : ) Plus the kids get a little time with me, that isn't about Alora, which is nice for all of us! I can not tell you how much easier it is for me to just sit with her nursing, having had a little bit of time to eat, play with the kids, and even brush my teeth!

This morning she actually slept long enough to vacuum, wash and put away the dishes, AND clean the kitchen floor! I know that I can't count on her to do it every day, but I'll take it when it comes around! I think it's a little sad to be as excited as I am to do housework, but when you have absolutely no time to do anything for awhile, you become more appreciative about lots of things that seem small or silly even.

Alora is growing so fast I can't believe it! She is getting so big and awesome, too! She can focus on things very intently now. She is so alert at times, and is getting better at being by herself for small periods of time in her bouncer or the swing(looking up at her own reflection).

She smiles and smirks, and is starting to coo when she's happy and grunt when she starts to get frustrated. She can cry with the best of them, but isn't generally a grumpy baby. She has an appointment coming up on Monday, and I look forward to seeing how much she weighs now. People ask and I have no idea. I can tell she's gained though, because she now has a roll or two on her little thighs and her feet have become much chubbier, too!

An added bonus to her sleeping longer stretches of time, other then being able to breath my own air occasionally, is that we finally got a garden in!

We had Alora at a terrible time as far as having time to get out and get dirty, but we decided that we would just buy all our plants this year... and obviously she was worth the change! When we got out into the yard we were very pleased to see how amazing our compost was this year. We were able to work in enough to not have to buy any extra for the first time! We also discovered about 10 orphan tomato plants while we were weeding, that had we started earlier we surely would have not recognized and just turned under. We transplanted a few that were in bad spots and also left a couple of groups of them and will wait and see what we end up with. Last year we had only one, but it turned out to be one of our biggest producers, and this year another one popped up right in the same spot. Fun stuff!

We lost the rosemary, but the sage, oregano, lemon thyme, and summer savory all overwintered well. By the time we got out there, they were huge! I need to go out and harvest them so they don't go to seed. I am going to harvest more right now than I got at the end of last season! : ) We were able to find string beans at the store. I have always grown them from seed, so figured I wouldn't have them this year, so that was a pleasant surprise! We also bought and planted a green, yellow, and red pepper, two banana peppers, a red hot cherry and cayenne pepper, three basil, a rosemary, an early girl and celebrity tomato(which we've done well with, in the past), and an heirloom tomato we haven't tried before, as well as a bush cucumber and zucchini plant.

It won't be quite as big as last year's garden, but certainly big enough to get the benefits of stress relief and also some yummy food to harvest. I love that the kids go out and help us and really know where real food comes from. They love peppers, tomatoes, and green beans right out of the garden. It's so cool that they love raw veggies, and I think it is because of their exposure to fresh food growing in the backyard.
I am beginning to hear the pitter patter of little feet upstairs, but I am so glad that I was able to put up a post today! Hope all is well out there in bloggyland! : )

Today I am thankful that Alora is starting to mature, now let's hope it doesn't happen too fast!!
I am grateful to have a garden this year, because I wasn't sure we'd be able to pull one off this year!
I am grateful to have had an awesome day, to recharge and enjoy just about every moment of the day!! : )

A picture journey to a new life!

It started out a pretty normal day.

We were taking a few shots of the belly to show the latest growth.

This is the belly at 40 weeks and 4 days.


While taking photos contractions hit...
nothing too intense, but enough to breath through.




Happy to have a break! : )

Little did we know that although these had been going on for the better part of two days, off and on, about 5 minutes apart for a few hours at a time.. and then stopping and starting and so on... that this time it was the real deal!

The hubby had gone up to take a bath and I was fiddling around on the computer, when I started to feel like maybe these contractions were not only still five minutes apart... but also getting a little too strong to be "practice" ones anymore. I didn't go up and tell Al until they had been going on for almost an hour... because the truth is we were all tired of false calls, but around 11:30 pm, I went up to let him know he might want to come and time them again. After about 4 more contractions I was in full toning mode, on hands and knees leaning into my ball to get through them and telling him to call in to the birth center.

We had planned on having the whole family at the birth, but the fact that it was almost midnight by the time we were headed out the door, I decided at the last minute to leave the little kids at home with Emily and just go with Al.

This is a shot of us in between contractions at about 2 in the morning.

Seconds after being born.

Seconds after being born.

Me staring in amazement just moments after giving birth to my newest little bundle of love:

Alora Dorthea Fey

April 6, 2010

4:36 AM

8 pounds 3 ounces, 19.5 inches

Daddy getting in his first hugs

Getting ready to go home and introduce little Alora to the rest of her family...

feeling a little goofy with the endorphins and endlessly amused by the monkey butt! : )

The kids meeting their new sister.

Roscoe fascinated by his new sister.

Emily holding her new sister.

Alora with the hint of a smile, swaddled and content! : )

Sophia finally gets to hold Alora!

Roscoe gets to hold his new sister, too!

A picture of us the next day.

I hope that you all can forgive the extra days to let you know that she finally arrived. Of course, now that she has, things have been hectic and amazing and busy and new... there has been a lot of love and only a little sleep!

The kids are all doing well, but there is adjusting going on.

I am feeling incredible... but the sleep deprivation wall is looming ahead in my near future, for sure! I haven't gotten more than 2 hours sleep at a time since the night before she was born, I have a hard time winding down and by the time I am ready, she is up and ready to eat all night long! I can not describe to you the joy and amazement and love I feel for her already. I already can not remember what it was like to not have her in our lives. Isn't it crazy how fast your entire world can change? : )

I hope that you all are doing well and thank you for all the positive energy and love sent our way! I hope to be able to sit down and write about her birth... it was intense and amazing and different from all the others, but for now I just wanted to share some photos and the news of her arrival!

Today I am thankful to have a beautiful new daughter to love and cherish and learn from!

Thank you, Emily!

15 years ago (tomorrow) I became a mother.

My amazing daughter Emily joined the world and helped me to become a better person on March 14, 1995 at about 11:30 PM.

Before I had my daughter I was incredibly self-absorbed. I was a teenager (late teens, 20 by the time she was born, but still a teenager)... a teenager with issues even, so of course it was natural to be that way. I don't spend a lot of time in my life feeling regret. I generally do pretty well, making conscious decisions and knowing that once I have there's rarely an opportunity to turn back, so no since in feeling regret, right? But sometimes I do falter. Every once in awhile I will think back and wonder... what if...

...what if I had decided NOT to have baby at the age of 19, when I didn't have anything at all? Not a place to live, a supportive family, or even any friends at the time (the fact that I had pushed everyone away didn't really matter... HOW I got where I was, was much less significant than the fact that I was there...) and the simple answer for myself is that I truly don't think that I would be alive today. If I had gone through with the abortion as planned, I am completely convinced I would have spiraled into a suicidal behavior pattern that would have led to my death probably sooner rather than later.

The simple, singular decision to carry this little life to term, changed my life forever. For the better, and there is not a single day that goes by that I think I made the wrong choice. My daughter is the best thing that ever happened to me. I have been blessed with the opportunity to guide the most beautiful and amazing soul I have ever met. What an honor it is. I have never met anyone like her and I doubt that I ever will. She was a gift to me. She has given me the ability to look outside of myself. She has helped me to keep going in times that have been fraught with pain, loneliness, and struggle. She has given me the strength to look back in my life and try to heal my damaged heart and soul. She has given me more than I ever knew that she would on that day that I decided that I couldn't end her life before it had even started. And for that I want to thank her.

Thank Emily.

Thank you for being my daughter.

Thank you for teaching me how to love.

Thank you for making it so easy to love and open my heart in a way that I never knew was possible.

Thank you for teaching me how to be more patient, with myself and others.

Thank you for being you, and all the wonderful things that you are.

Thank you for loving me back.

I love you more than I could ever explain or express and nothing makes me happier than being your mother.

I love you kid!!!

{Sadly, I guess part of being almost 15 is that she is much harder to capture on film right now! I have so many more of the little ones who spend all day long with me everyday. This is the most recent picture I could find (where she wasn't in pj's and would NOT be ok with me posting them) of her and it was a picture I took over my head when she came up and gave me a hug from behind! Pretty good for an ambush photo, I think ! : )

I'm sure that I will get some good ones tomorrow on her birthday, but I'm glad I saw how few pictures I have of her recently... I will start to remedy that issue today!! }

Today I am grateful that I have a wonderful daughter who gives me such joy!

I am thankful that through all the changes in my life over the last 15 years, the one constant thing has been the love we share with each other.

I am thankful that as our relationship continues to grow and change, we have such a solid base of love and respect for each other. I hope that never falters!

A quickie!

This is going to be a super quickie, just wanted to say that the baby is not breech and has THE.MOST.ADORABLE.TOES.EVER!! : )
The sonogram went well, and we also found out that even though I still have about a month to go the baby is already weighing in at 7 pounds and 5 ounces!
So, I guess that we don't have to worry about the baby being too small anymore either!
I know that the baby still has time to move around, but hopefully will stay in the downward position. The daily contractions that I have been having for awhile now are starting to get much more intense. Don't get too excited... this happened last time for the last month or so too... but it is still a constant reminder that very soon this little one will be joining us in the outside world here... and I am getting sooooo excited about it! : )
The placenta has gotten very big in there... but is obviously not impeding the growth of this little person in the least! The measurements were all on target EXCEPT for the belly... which was measuring in at 39 weeks and 4 days!! The rest were all right around 36 weeks. I asked why the belly was so big and the tech just smiled... "that's because that's where they store the extra fat!" So it looks like it might be a little buddha baby... but that's not such a bad thing. Now I have to wonder.. will this baby end up being bigger than my last? (I hope not since he was 9 lb 12.5 oz)Or will it settle down and slow down on the crazy growth? I guess only time will tell!
I just noticed how many exclamation points, I've used in this post... so I am going to stop and go to bed. Can you tell I am getting excited about this impending birth? : )
Good night all!
Today I am thankful that the baby is in a good position for birth.
I am grateful (that although there were questions throughout this pregnancy) that this baby has been getting everything it needed to grow and thrive in there! : )

The Mouse in my Pocket

I have been wanting to do a post on the hiking that I have been doing for a few months now. I have a bit of insomnia tonight... so instead of laying in bed not sleeping, I decided to catch up on my blogging! (ok putting up pictures takes me a really long time because of the stupid space thing that happens... but I don't do html so I don't have other options... hence two days later finally getting this post up! hey, I'm trying!)

I have so many good ideas for blogs, so I reached into my brain bag and thought it should be about my hikes in the local park. When I walk up to the park near my house I lose myself in the solitude, yet connectedness of nature. So I thought that I would give you a view, as though you were a mouse in my pocket! : )

The main reason I started walking this park was for the exercise, but very soon I realized that one of the things that had been missing in my everyday life was connecting with nature. I have always had a strong connection to our earth. Being surrounded by nature has always made me feel more peaceful. While I am there to work up a sweat, I cannot describe to you how amazing and beautiful I think my surroundings are. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the city that I live in. It is, in my heart, my home, which is something that I have been searching for my whole life. I was an army brat... which for those of you who don't know, means that I moved every year or less for the majority of my childhood. It sucked. I hated it A LOT! Some people do fine with all that change, but I am a person who feels contentment with having a friendly and familiar environment. The way that I grew up makes my feeling of "home" here, that much more significant to me.

Anyway, every time I take my walks I see all this beautiful scenery and think to myself "I should bring my camera and take pictures of my view along the way." So, I finally did the other day. It turned out I didn't get quite as many good shots as I thought, at first, because I couldn't slow down enough to get a good one... but since I often do a few "laps" around my course, I put in a good hike and then did another round and took some pictures. Unfortunately, it has become the land of gray and rain around here lately, so the pictures are not as beautiful as I'd like... but if I wait for perfection you'll never get to see the post... so here we go! : )

I am about to put up a gillion pictures, so prepare yourself emotionally!

This was where I started taking pictures. I was already past the regal park entrance, and all the beautiful flowers, and the fountain... but that is a whole other post... : )

This hill leads down to some of the stairs I hit on my walk. And there are lots of stairs on this route!

Looking back up the same hill, we just jogged down.

One of the many waterfalls that help keep the water flow(from all the darn rain!) headed towards the right direction.

Some stairs heading up the hill towards the reservoir.

The path heading up. It is a little sad because I'm not sure how much of the raw beauty is coming through my cruddy pictures... I hope there is a least a glimmer.

ok, I know this one is dark, it was a gray day and it actually rained a little during my hike... but wait for it... it's worth it! ; )

almost there now...

ahhhh!

The sound of running water is so refreshing, when you are starting to get tired and ready to be done working hard. For me, it gives me enough of a push to head up towards some MORE stairs!! : )

Over the little wishing bridge... and yes, I make a wish every time! ; )... and up another set of stairs which I go up and then back down, and then past everything we just saw, towards a different turn off of the path.

Down another set of stairs(I don't know why I didn't take one of them, because they are cool looking...) and we hit another set of stairs ! : ) I like this one because it has two sides on the bottom section and I get to go down one and up the other. Hey, give the hot, tired girl a break something has to keep me going! : )

Just a pretty little nook. These little things, honestly, give me endless pleasure while I am out releasing my endorphins! : )

the bottom of another set of stairs, along the path that leads down to the pond. I couldn't take a downward shot because there were a bunch of kids down on the dock(?, would you call that a dock in a pond...) and I felt creepy taking random strangers' pictures!

So, one of the many reasons I would think about bringing along my camera was this weed. That's right!! This is the biggest, coolest weed I have ever seen! It is easily a foot taller than me, and the top is covered by tiny yellow flowers. I just think that is neat! : ) I know I AM easily amused, but at least I live my life with lots of laughter!; )

This is one of my most disappointing photos for me, because I couldn't capture the feeling that I get when I look at it. On the right, the green is actually thousands of wild flowers that you can't see very well, and to me it looks like the entrance way to a magical fairy kingdom. My kids love this area too... but we don't go that often because it is over 100 stairs up to the top.. and they don't love taking the stairs even half as much as I do... and I don't end up feeling very patient about it. It's hard to take over 30 minutes doing something you do by yourself in about 6! : )

Another portion of the stairs up from the entrance way.

Not all of the stairs are grouped together, some of them are grouped in 2's, others in 10, all with some amount of hill in between.

This is the path up from the last set of stairs, on that big 'ol hill.

Walking over the top of where I just came from... walking the path that follows the road around the reservoir.

This is looking straight ahead instead of down, and actually heading right back to where the pictures started... there is a lot of overlapping ground in my routine because there are several different ways up and down the hill... which is awesome because the more stairs and climbing the better! : )

Most of the time after I have finished my hike in the woody area, I will go up and walk around the reservoir, which is a 1 mile track. After the hike it feels really good to be on flat land and I can really fly around it in pretty good time. I have experimented and I walk almost 4 minutes faster a mile AFTER a hike. I guess I get really pumped with all the stairs and the flat feels SO much easier! : )

This is a picture of another set of stairs that I will add to the the reservoir walk if I am feeling spunky. It ends up being about 75% of the time, but sometimes I am just too tuckered out!

This set of stairs is what first got me started on my somewhat of a stair obsession! It leads up from the outer path/road, up to the track. I only hit the bottom 30 or so steps once...

but once I get to the Y in the steps, I go up one side and down another, as many times as I can in a row. It's 35 steps each side. The first time I did it, I went 3 times and felt like I might just die! Now I do 10! Although around 9 and 10 I will often grunt out loud because it really works my thighs, no cheating and using hands! I have been known to startle a few fellow walkers! : ) It is kind of embarrassing, because they don't know I've just done 9 laps... but it's ok.. I know, so I think it's kind of funny. Especially when people look scandalized... because I'm a jerk like that! : )

Ok, the reason for this shot is a cool view from above, but also a funny story.

The young women at the bottom(that you can hardly see) were there with their trainer, doing whatever they were doing... and they noticed me going around in circles. So the trainer sends up one of the young ladies to do what I am doing.

Well, even though I am getting stronger and more fit, I'm still overweight and fair-skinned and when I work out my face gets very red. This does not mean I'm not a bad ass... but lots of people make that false assumption. In fact, another reason I stopped just doing the track was the number of negative comments I got from other people there. The woody area is a much nicer place for me... but I digress..

So young chippy comes up and goes around once and goes back down. I keep going. I actually felt pretty uncomfortable because I could feel people watching me and usually don't have strangers just blatantly staring at me while I am grunting around the darn stairs, BUT, I can't let other people ruin my groove... so I kept going. Then after another couple laps, the trainer sends the girl up again. She went faster this time, but still did one lap and then went back down. Then the trainer sends both the girls up at the same time. The one that hadn't done it before, did more than one lap, but the first one did just one again. Although we were headed in different directions we both just happened to hit the Y at the same time, and as I was finished with my laps, we both end up going down together. I can't help it, I am competitive by nature... so I left her in the dust. As I was jogging by the trainer at the bottom, I heard him start talking to the girl saying how she should have been much faster than me... why was I up on my toes when she wasn't... blah, blah, blah... how's she gonna let some fat lady beat her down the stairs. Although it was a backhanded compliment with the whole fat lady comment... I took it as a HA! instead. It made me feel like I really am a bad ass, and just because I'm not young and thin doesn't mean that I am not a rock star. I'll reach my goals eventually and I am doing it the right way by becoming physically as strong as I have always been mentally.

I'm in a better place than I have been in a very long time, and I gotta tell ya, it feels SOOOO good!! Thanks for bearing with me on my self-indulgent journey around the park! I hope that you enjoyed the beauty, and I hope that it inspires you to go out and find a little nature of your own to rock out in!! : ) I know that I am rarely here right now, but with summer starting to come to an end, I feel like I have to be out and about as much and as often as I can be because all too soon the leaves will be falling and the snow and coldy-cold weather soon to follow that. I have to take advantage of this beautiful time of year while it is here! Most days I am lucky enough to go to the park with the kids in the morning and by myself after Al gets home from work. I probably spend 4-5 hours there on those days, about 4-5 days a week! : )

I hope that all of you are doing well, in your own little worlds! I am sending out light and love and happiness to you all!

Today I am thankful to have such an abundance of beauty all around me!

I am grateful that my hubby is so supportive of me being gone for 1 1/2-2 hours a day, when he doesn't work late!

I am grateful that the city I live in thinks that the park is as important as I do. I don't know what I would do without it!! :)

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day to all of you Moms reading this.

I hope that you all feel as thankful and lucky as I do, to have the best job in the whole world!

I'm not gonna lie and say that everyday is awesome... because I live in the real world.... some days stink... but most days I wake up with a smile and go to bed with one too!

I am super lucky to get to stay home with my kids. I get to watch them grow and learn, explore and discover, experience and blossom every. single. day. I can't imagine a better way to spend the majority of my days.

I am blessed to have some spectacular kids who have given me the chance to find out some of the best (and worst) parts of myself, by making me what (in my opinion) I do better than anything else in this world... being a Mama.

Thank you guys for giving me the gift of Motherhood!

You are all amazing in such different special ways.

I never knew a deeper or more powerful love!

You all make me so proud!

and with that... my babies!

Today I am thankful that I have been able to deliver three beautiful spirits into this world, and in that discovered one of the best parts of myself.

I am grateful to have been able to have healthy, beautiful children who will make this world a better place, in their own special ways!