A short post with many thank yous!

Thank you to everyone who gave me an award!
It was very nice and actually made my day that much nicer!
The kids and I had a very nice mellow day yesterday with the addition of some really good food, we all know good food makes life better always! : ), which was nice because there has been a lot of busy, busy days around here lately.
It is always something and right now it's several at once!
but we are doing pretty well in general...
and I am feeling a little better than I was... from my last post.
right now my 13 year old is at a school dance, and then isn't even coming home tonight because she staying over with friends.... so that is strange for me. She is gorgeous and I feel so proud when I send her off... but I also worry a lot because she is gorgeous, and 13.... boys have crazy hormones...and so does she!
yikes! .... get that awful image out of my head!
she is still a very sweet and innocent girl, but it doesn't stay that way forever. I have to admit that even her giving a boy an innocent kiss makes me feel woozy(and not in a good way!)... I just can't imagine her being old enough yet or for a long time... maybe it's a mom thing...
anyway that is happening tonight and it is also me and Al's 5th anniversary.
We got married on Leap Day so we don't really get one this year, but we are going to celebrate tomorrow night.
We are headed out to a nice steak house & we got a bottle of wine from the year we got married(2004) It is the nicest wine I've ever bought...it was a special at $40, supposed to be $90... and you know you would spend that much on a $15 bottle at the restaurant so we are going to drink water(or pop for my man) when we go out to eat, so that we could splurge on this wine. I'm truly curious to see if it tastes THAT much better than the average bottles we buy. I generally try wines that are on sale for $10-$15, and I am generally pretty happy with them (of course some are better than others...). Anyway, we will be drinking our nice wine, at our fancy (but cheap..gotta LOVE hotwire!) hotel room, while we try and reconnect with each other in a grown up way! and not just sex... but having the time to be playful and more relaxed than usual..
I miss my husband.
Right now it is sad because last year at this time I felt very happy and content in the way that things were with each other... and really until very recently I was doing well, but we need some time when we aren't parents and it is hard to get that sometimes...
hence the room...
when you parent in an all inclusive way you get awesome kids(well, so far anyway!) but you lose some of the intimacy of your marriage..and that can be difficult. at least is is for me.
the last few nights Al and I have been talking a lot and snuggling more... and it is absolutely necessary for me.
I am hoping that we have a nice time together and just relax a little....
so thank you again for the blog awards.... I promise I will do a better response soon!
and wish me and the hubby luck enjoying each other, our anniversary, and our time alone together!

Tonight I am thankful that I am & have been married to the man that I truly believe that I was meant to be with for the rest of my life for five fabulous funky years.

struggle

struggle

that is the one word description of many different aspects of my everyday right now...

and it is frustrating

I hate it when I can't rearrange reality to fit into my happy perspective...

I want to see the light in everything, but when the negative things start piling up it gets a little more difficult.

I'm feeling discontent. which is unusual and disconcerting for me.

this didn't come out of nowhere, but it did become exponentially more difficult recently for no foreseeable reason.

our anniversary is coming up. since we got married on leap day we don't have the day this year... but we decided that we would try and take a night off together. we are getting a hotel room downtown and leaving the kids over night (at home with his mom and Emily) for the first time in 4 years. the babies are 3 and 16 months.... it should be fine... but I don't feel excited about that right now though...

I feel anxious about it ....

the man and I have been butting heads, rather consistently over everything and nothing...

does that ever happen to you?

it is so draining and I don't have the extra energy to expend right now.

I also have a fairly constant internal struggle going on in my head right now... I am trying to come up with proactive ways to make my situation different than it is.. but I'm not coming up with any good ones... the ones I try aren't working..

and hold on you might need to sit down for this...

but my bath DIDN'T work.

the first time ever in my recollection that it didn't help...

where do you go when your tried and true methods of relaxation stop working?

on a positive note:

my boy hugging a bear that my Grammie made

Emily and I going to a performance at CAPA last week.

after breakfast today... with Roscoe showing his new "picture" smile...hambone that one is!

my little ones (well, and one not so little one!) are incredible and help me find pleasure in my everyday.

I have been actively planning themed activities, with a good dose of "structured" learning time for my three year old, and she has been incredibly responsive... so I have been getting excited about the possibilities... I get so many ideas running around in my head, and I have been attempting to fit them into a lesson plan in my head... this is something that I did for over 8 years when Emily was a baby and growing up, so I enjoy it... but it ends up frustrating me because I want "stuff"... like supplies, construction paper, safety scissors, glue, paint... and we don't have extra money.. but we are going out for our anniversary...and we could use that $ for the "stuff" .....but man...

I think that I REALLY need this recharge of time with my hubby with no kids and no dishes and no laundry...if even just for one night...

how do you reconcile your own needs versus your kids?

I mean the truth is that 90% of my day is fulfilling other people's needs.. my kids, my husband..even the darn cats... and I not only don't mind, but I thrive on it... but at the same time, I NEED to have at least a very small portion (2%?) of the rest of my day for my partner to attentively listen and then even every once in awhile fulfill MY needs...

I feel like such a baby here...what about me... whah!!!

but seriously...I'm at a point right now where I have to ask

what about me?

why do I find myself having to negotiate ways to get my needs met?

when did I stop being a person worthy of someone else's effort...and not just a giver to everyone else?

I mean all I want is for him to adore and respect me for the Goddess that I am... that's not asking too much...right? : )

no but honestly a little appreciation would go a LONG way for me right now!

sigh...

I don't like where my head is at right now.. but I feel at a loss to do anything about it... I could(and do) take care of myself, but every now and then it would feel great to be taken care OF for a change!

Tonight I am thankful that I have a beautiful family that I GET to take care.

(but I'd love to have just one of my family to feel thankful for me, and somehow express that to me...)

WooHoo!! I won!!

I got a package from the adorable and sweet Lissaloo


I won her give-away of huckleberry products. I had never had them before, so it was really exciting! : )


What a pleasant surprise it was, on such a dark, gray, and snowy day here in the 'Burgh. I couldn't wait to open it... but I was super busy doing the whole mothering thing, and my eldest and I had plans to go see a performance at her new school after dinner.... so I had to wait until after dinner and bedtime, and then didn't have time before we left for the performance. I opened it up much later at night and had my husband take pictures... but as much as I love him I had to re-take pictures today... because well... I just had to... I am anal-retentive about certain things...
some might say many things... but I choose just certain... ahem.. where was I?
Oh yeah, showing you my pictures! : )

all the numminess together...

there is Huckleberry Jam.

Hucklebery Gummies (my favorite candy!)

and Huckleberry Taffy (my hubby's favorite!)

My husband LOVES taffy! So he is very excited, and now thinks maybe this isn't such a waste of time! ha ha....

And I put this picture up even though I look CRAZY because I want to thank my husband for taking pictures, and he needs a good laugh! Please pay no attention to the laundry pile that is so high it threatens to engulf me soon.. this is normal behavior around here... opening packages is WAY more fun! : )
And this picture is me showing the pure joy I have in eating the gummies! yay!

Thank YOU Lissaloo!!

Today I am grateful for my bloggy friends. What an interesting phenomenom this blogging thing is! I'm so glad I found it..and all of you! : )

Writers Workshop: Picture of me, with no primping...eeek!

Ok, so I have been a very bad little monkey lately... as far as staying on top of my posting.

Sorry!

I feel like I've lost the few readers I had because I have been fairly self-absorbed again... I tend to turtle in a bit when my life is going in fast forward on a constant basis... which is right now.

But at least, I will do the writer's workshop this week. I will also try to be better about actually writing out some of the many, many ideas for posts that I have instead of having a few bouncing around in my head at all times.

Here are the prompts for Mama Kat's writer's workshop this week. You can click her name if you want all the details. : ) Come on and play... it's fun!

1.) If you were starring on American Idol TONIGHT and HAD to sing, what song would you choose and why.

2.) Take a picture of yourself right this minute without primping and explain to us why it is you have not washed your hair today.

3.) I just asked Pat to help me with a writing prompt so here's his: "What do you think about the NBA All Star game"...blech.
4.) What's your number one pet peeve? Develop a punishment for anyone caught in the act.
5.) Write about something mean you did to a sibling growing up.

HA! #2 called out to me ...this one had to be it for a couple of reasons.

First reason being that it made me laugh at loud!! Always a good thing, laughter makes things better, right?

Second reason being that I got caught! I totally DIDN'T wash my hair today.... I only wash it a couple times a week...

Thirdly, and maybe most importantly... I got busted wearing pigtails. I mean, I think that we are all well aware that I am officially too old for pigtails to be cute... but I did it... what can I say?

I even went to the store today... I'm so ashamed! : )

And of course, the fourth and final reason would be that "I usually set the camera up and conduct mini photo shoots with myself twice daily...so it would fit right into my schedule."

just like Mama Kat... who knew we had so much in common? ; )

tee hee hee...

alright sorry I'm feeling a little silly tonight!

but there could be worse things in the world , right?

Today I am thankful for laughter! ...as busy as things are a good giggle can only do a person good!
I am thankful that my husband is an amazing cook and I had a tasty dinner, that I didn't have to cook.(Chicken and Garlic Broccoli with Vodka Sauce over Campanelle, Salad, and Fresh Bread..not ours, but very good!)

Busy, busy, busy!(again!)

It has been super busy around here lately.

It seems like there is always something going on...

... and mostly my free time is being spent on my daughter's book, if I'm not re-rolling toilet paper, changing diapers, or building castles with blocks or sheets and chairs...
I haven't gotten many more replies.. but I have talked to most of the people and they say that they are coming. Right now, I am writing out my own cards. I have a lot of things I want to tell her, so my thoughts will be interspersed with everyone else's.

I am feeling a little overwhelmed because I so want for it to be nice... I just want to make it worth keeping around...

I am also struggling with having a bit of a selfish period going on right now.
I want to do things for me... and it feels strange, to me and my family.
I spend a lot of time doing things for other people... and I enjoy it... but lately I just want a little space. I have been feeling so very nostalgic lately... maybe it's facebook and hearing from all these old friends... or not really friends friends... whatever that means..
or maybe it is Emily's birthday and thinking about how much it changed my life forever.

I feel very blessed that she came into my life. I love her so much and I am so proud of her. I sometimes worry that I take too much pride in her, but I don't know if that is possible for a mother. She is on a path to great things, and I hope that when I am done with this project she will feel the love that I am pouring into it.

On a completely selfish note- again! I am going to talk with an artist about my newest tattoo tomorrow. Funny enough, it is the father of one of my daughter's friend. I like his work a lot! I actually saw a piece of his up in the studio that Emily and I went and screen printed in last week. She has been working on a project with her art teacher, (who I really like a lot! she is her teacher for her focus classes during her one day a week at gifted). There is a new children's hospital that is almost done being built here in the Burgh and some of the kids work is going to be up on the walls. The kids did Warhol-esque prints in vibrant colors, in a two by two square, and Emily and I helped to print the outlines of the toys that were on those prints, in different colors to make them really pop from the screen...

it was really fun! We laughed and co-operated and maybe we'll get to go to the presentation to see them up on the walls, because that would be cool.... fun stuff!

Anyway, sorry that my posts have been lacking.
I miss it when I am gone.
I think of twenty -two different posts daily! : )
I just can't make it here, unless I'm being an insomniac... like now!
We have also been fighting off a very persistent infection.. that hasn't gotten a good hold, but is stubbornly lingering! Oh and there was that thing with the ER again! Emily needed it this time... long story.. she had an unknown virus that caused her to break out in hives and then have this awful rash over her whole body... red raised, puffy eyes,crazy itchy... poor thing. She needed steroids and it took a few days before it helped completely... now she's doing MUCH better....

there is never a dull moment in this house, I swear!
so here's a few pics to show what's been going on around here!

mmm... a spur of the moment cauliflower/sweet potato/ garbanzo bean soup. it was super tasty and the kiddos dug it lots! It was sort of sweet because the stock I made that morning had so many carrots in it (I save all my scrubbed outside peels, butts, and veggie leftovers and make a stock every week out of it...for my weekly soup). I used it to my advantage though and made this curried soup. good stuff.

This was the scene from Valentines Day, after Al got home from work. We made the kids bags... a movie, a little candy, and handmade cards from us.

And everyone made a card for Al, with construction paper, and hearts I cut out that they glued on, and some stickers, markers and crayons, too!

so sweet!

the kiddos digging in...all decked out in red! : )

Emily requested some Aloo Gobi with the rest of the cauliflower I had, so I made some from this recipe on Allrecipes, of course with a few modifications, such as adding a half a pound of tofu cubed, and only 1/2 a head of cauliflower. I make this all the time and the kids go nutso for it. I love this recipe... and I love my kids! I love that eat so many different things.

Some rockin' beef stew I made with a pot roast cubed, browned, and simmered for hours, with carrots, onions, potatoes and celery... with the edition of some Trader Joe's Bread. YUM!!

Today I am thankful for good food, good times, good friends, and good memories.

I am thankful that my kids eat my wacky food.

I am thankful that we love and respect each other around here(most of the time!)

My big project for Emily

So I have been working on this idea for Emily, for awhile now...
The idea was small at first, and then it grew... I would pick up a pack of stationary here and there.. you know if I get things little by little it doesn't seem as pricey, right? : )
Anyway, I sent out a letter to many women in my life who have meant something to me... who I've learned from...
I got these beautiful cards (for cheap) not realizing that the square shape would personally irritate the post office... did you even know there was such thing as a 62c stamp? I didn't... but apparently they save it for naughty people whose envelopes don't conform to the sorter or something...
I'm a bad, bad girl.
anyway, what I sent to everyone was a pretty note card, areturn envelope, and a letter explaining and asking them to remember being 14... and to write a note to Emily ..some kind of advice...or something funny...
I want to hand Emily a book of knowledge.
A book of information from women, to welcome her into womanhood. So far I have gotten 8 back. I think that I sent out 37 in all. I sent out a pre-stamped address and a beautiful little card that I picked up... so that they have something to write it on.
Every one's note has been different so far... and that is why I think it will be so cool.
I wrote to a lot of the aunts and grandmas and great grandma.... so there will be a family section. and then a bunch of women friends.
I hope that most people will return the envelopes.
I am going to attach all these notes into a journal, and give it to her. I haven't found it yet, but in my head it has fairly heavy paper, like sketch paper...and I'm hoping to find a cover made with pressed flowers.. or something... like I said in my head, that is how I saw it from the beginning... and I haven't found it just yet... but I will.
I'm hoping to go shopping tomorrow.. but we'll see...
I hope that this will be something that she will treasure for a long time.. even if she doesn't appreciate it as much right now. I'm not sure if she will get it or not... but I'm hoping she will.
So that is my big project... it sounds not as big written down, but I guess it turned big because when I envisioned it... I didn't realize how much work it would be.. but now I am idle waiting for the returns to come in.. I should have sent them out way before I did.. but with birthday mania and all the holidays.. things got busy!
ok short tonight because I need some sleep!

Tonight I am thankful that I thought of this project.
and hopeful that it will turn out like the one in my head!! : )

25 things

I am a big cheaterhead!
I have been cheating on all my blogger buddies with facebook!
It is very strange and exciting, and at times overwhelming.. how many of my family memebers are on there..
I finally caved to the "25 random things" post when after 6 other tags and my grammie tagging me... I decided I should do it..
tonight I cheat and throw that post on here because I thought some people might find it interesting?

******here goes******
Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

Alright, I have been tagged several times at this point...and when your Grammie tags you, you just have to do it already! : ) Not that I am morally opposed to these things... I just haven't sat down to do it. I am not tagging anyone, except those who tagged me, because I don't have 25 people who haven't been tagged already, but if you want to do one... feel free to be tagged!

1. My nickname, Thames, has no significance to anyone who met me after the age of about 8, because that is when I started being Ruth, as opposed to Ruth Amy. Go ahead say Ruth Amy 10 or 15 times fast.. you end up with Thamey...which sounds silly, so you end up with Thames... or maybe you'll just have to trust my sister on that one?

2. I have passed the love of the hippie stank onto my 13 year old daughter (who at times has had to go wash, because she uses too much of it..and from me that's saying something)... much to the dismay of the many patchouli haters in the world! Several of whom are part of my own family. sorry guys!

3. I love being a stay at home mama. I think it is something that I am good at, and although when my kids grow up, there will be other things to do, I'm not sure I will enjoy them quite as much.

4. I am a night owl, which I blame on my mother (like everything right?). so if I'm not asleep by 9 then I am probably up until 2... this is inconvenient when your kids wake up early in the morning.

5.I have lived in Pittsburgh for about 10 years now! .. and here I truly found myself, and then, the love of my life, and then had two more babies. Pittsburgh is officially home now!

6. I still sometimes get scared of the dark, unless I'm with my husband, because he makes me feel safe, always.

7. I am not a Christian, but I have a very strong faith. I just don't happen to label it.

8. I believe that there is evil in the world, (see # 6) but I believe in beauty and joy, and the basic goodness of humankind.

9. I have always believed that I will die young. I'm not trying to, and I hope I'm wrong, but I don't think that I am. This is one reason why I really try to live my life with joy, because the day to day stuff is what it's all about.

10. I live in a house that is over 100 years old, and it was at one point a Bed and Breakfast, although you have to use your imagination to tell that now!

11. My Grammie is and always has been my biggest hero. I think she is amazing! The first time I wrote about her being my hero, I was in the third grade.

12. The single most important decision I have made in my life was to have and keep my eldest daughter, Emily. She is a bright shining part of my life and I can not imagine life without her. Indeed, if I had chosen differently I believe, for certain, that I wouldn't be around today, to talk about it.

13. I love my family with an intense crazy passion. I would do anything, for any one of them, without hesitation. I feel confident that they know that this is, without a doubt, true.

14. I struggle with the winter. When I first moved here I had a VERY hard time adjusting to the serious lack of sun for a few months, (especially for an AZ girl!), but have learned to appreciate it for the way that it makes me so incredibly grateful for, and all the more enamoured with, springtime!

15. The holiday season starts in this house in October. We have birthdays on the 12th(Roscoe),the 17th(Grammie), the 22nd(Suzie), the 29th(Sophia), halloween(ok not a birthday but costumes to make..or buy ; )..and a little extra chaos), the 1rst of Nov.(Al)... then thanksgiving and christmas..oh and the 22nd(Tim) and then my birthday on the 31st, oh and the whole new year thing, too. We finally get to exhale in January.... and trust me I'm ready by then!
16. I am an army brat. I was born in Georgia, and have also lived in Germany, Virginia, New Hampshire, Arizona, and Washington state... and now Pennsylvania. : ) I missed out visiting other countries, Korea and Saudi Arabia, because I was too busy being a tragic teenager...

17. I feel very fortunate to have bumped into so many special, creative, and talented people on this road I'm traveling. My friends have been an incredible source of comfort and inspiration to me throughout the years. I hope my children are as fortunate, as they grow and learn.

18. My super power is feeling guilty...about anything and everything....it's an issue for me... I'm working on it.

19. I was only engaged for two months when Al, Emily, and I jumped on a plane to Las Vegas and got married on Leap Day 2004. He is the only person who could have ever convinced me that this was a good idea... and I'm very happy he did! That week was one of the best in my life. I have never felt so free.

20. The ensuing reality was an incredibly intense period of time, but it was never boring! The constant energy of our family makes for interesting, fun, & sometimes crazy times. But I love how we all mesh together and I wouldn't want us any other way!

21. I have 4 tattoos. I have several more planned out in my head(most of which I probably will never get)... some of which I have thought about for a decade or more.

22. I have become a huge Steelers Fan since becoming a Pittsburgher. You simply can not live here and not get caught up in the excitement. I haven't missed a game in years... even the time I ended up in the ER... because the game was on in the room of course! : )

23. I used to have terrible nightmares when I was a kid. I figured out a way to stop them(sort of) at some point... but then they would turn into these really freaky twisted things... I always wanted a video camera in my brain to remember them... because I forget them almost instantly, unless I write it down... but then someone else could see how really demented my brain actually can be... and that would be scary...

24. Now I dream big(mostly good, sometimes freaky, rarely scary anymore, but if it is scary, Al holding me gets me back to sleep) or not at all... I don't think I get enough proper sleep to dream right now.. maybe in a few more years!

25. In our almost 5 years of marriage (and dating life as well) Al and I have rarely sleep away from each other. There have been a handful of nights only...and I don't sleep well without him, even if I'm really mad at him!!... how big of a dork have I become, right? : P

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so is it wrong to throw this up here? I hope not!
btw if anyone knows how to add a link that will shorten a post until you click on it..I'd love to know how.. I'm pretty basic in writing and posting here... anyone have a link to learn tricks?(I've tried help but had no luck finding the answer!)

Tonight I am grateful for this new connection to old freinds, but mostly family through a website...how strange....
I am thankful to be headed to bed with my man for some snuggles!