I made it!
I am sitting here at my computer after a day FILLED with stuff.
Some of the stuff is ok (like playing with my kids and snuggling with my hubby), but most of the stuff (vacumming, errand running, and a thousand dishes, from being gone all day) being done is better!
I was gone from my house a lot today and I miss my kids when that happens.
It is nice to miss them every once in awhile.
So it is a little bittersweet, like so many thing in life. : )
Sophia and Emily had dental appointments today.
It was Sophia's first, and I couldn't be there because someone needed to stay home with Roscoe... Al went because he freaks out about things a little more than I do ; )....
and I knew that I could trust him and that Sophia would be just fine.
Which she was.
I think that it was good for him to see her do well, on her own with him watching behind some glass. He is SO protective that it is good for him to see her handle her own business sometimes! : )
And yes, three is a little old for a first visit, but Sophia is many things and one if them is her very own person. She came from the womb, in the exact way that she has lived her life thus far.... with drama and her own way of doing things! It was better to wait until she would be able to deal well with the situation. You don't force Sophia to do anything she doesn't want to do! Determination is what most people call it. It doesn't make for easy toddler years, but I feel sure that she will be able to accomplish any goal that she deems worthy, because she has tenacity to spare that one! : )
Emily did well too...and may or not need braces..I'm thinking it will depend on how ridiculous it will be cost wise... her bottom teeth are crowded, but no emergency. We'll see what happens with that. We got a referral for an orthodontist.
Al and I both could've had braces...I'm good with my goofy teeth, and his too for that matter... they give him character... but him not so much, as far as personal acceptance goes... so we'll see, is all I can say.
Then when they got home, I had some errands, as well as a doctor appointment of my own.
I have been very anxious about this appointment because I have to have surgery. Not a big deal surgery, an outpatient, the doctor does it all the time, but I didn't even go to the hospital to give birth because I don't like it there, so it's a big deal to me surgery.
whew.. that was a mouthful!
I have a hernia.
It needs repaired.
It comes out every single day, and hurts, until I put it back in...and then sometimes it still hurts. For anyone who doesn't know, a hernia is where your muscle has torn apart (from being fat and having too many babies, in my case!) and your intestines push out to cause a bulge...ew... I know gross, right?
Well, last year I got REALLY sick. My poor little boy got a wretched cold and I got it right along with him. I was sicker than I had been in years and years...and I ended up coughing myself an umbilical hernia. I felt it happening..and my sister being a doctor (and used to helping me diagnose myself over the phone...poor woman) talked me through what was happening and what it meant.
It's not a big deal until it is..and then you can die.
ummm... thanks Suzie!
So then I read a bunch online about it..and that is pretty much true. As long as I can still push it back in place... no big deal, other than being uncomfortable and inconvenient. BUT if it pushes out and gets stuck... then your intestine get no blood, and eventually dies(but sometimes in as little as an hour, thanks to the internet for that info!) and then you poo in a bag forever because they have to remove it...
it gets grosser, so sorry, I'll stop there...
Well, about a month ago, maybe two now... it happened.
BIG long story, prepare yourself emotionally ok?
One normal day, going along my daily life...(it was a Steelers game actually and I had spent the day ,and night before, preparing all sorts of football food) my belly starts to hurt, really bad. I also get ulcers when stressed, lately they've been under control with meditation and relaxation techniques (which is good), but because of them I sometimes don't recognize that my hernia is out because I have a little bit of a belly and the pain starts off the same. So when my tummy hurts, I get a snack (which helps, if it's the ulcer)..and then go about my business, because I have two toddlers and still can't find their pause buttons(although trust me I HAVE searched them both thoroughly)!
Often it helps and the problem is solved.
This day I went from not so hot... to the floor... hands and knees.. toning (a relaxation/pain management technique I used to birth my last two kids) within 5 minutes time... no good... it didn't touch it... my babies were scared at this point, because obviously this is not my normal behavior ; ).... and I didn't want to scare them but I couldn't keep my cool... so then it hits me...DUH!... check your hernia, ding-a-ling.
So I check, and it was out about five inches and when I touched it I literally felt like I was going to pass out. When I touched it, it would stick up and looked like a stick in my belly...and all around my belly button was blue.... really creepy.... and I admit it... I panicked. I was calm on the outside but my head started racing...
I had to get the kids up the stairs to Sophia's room and put them in there, while I tried to take a bath to force the thing back in. Luckily her room is right by the bathroom and she could see me and talk to me from behind a gate. They were safe and that was the best I could do. I had to wait for Emily to get home from her music class around 1, about an hour.
When Emily got home..I lost it. Moms out there will probably know how you can keep it together for your kids but once someone is there to help... you crack...well I cracked.
I made her take the babies downstairs to watch a movie and then call Al to come
home and take me to the hospital. I was having such a hard time not crying, that my arms were tingling and going numb... I was starting to hyper-ventilate because it hurt so bad, and I couldn't stop crying. I have never cried so hard in my life. Emily called my sister on speakerphone who told me in her most serious DOCTOR voice...
Thames-CALM DOWN, STOP and BREATHE...and it worked...for a little bit.
ok sum up time(sorry, I know it's long)....
almost five hours after the whole thing started...Al and I are headed to the ER... while I look like I'm pregnant or something and that things are going badly... because I couldn't even stand up straight and I had to hold the hernia because being upright and not holding it was impossible... just agony.
They took me right back to a room, took my vitals...high temp -102?... blood pressure-195/145... never even got that high when I had gestational high blood pressure... they take me to another room..and maybe 3o minutes later after poking me a lot and asking, much too calmly, "On a scale from 1-10 where is your pain level"
I'm physically shaking here.. my whole middle is blue and sticking up weirdly ...ummm 10!!
So then they get me an IV and give me something... something strong...I think it was morphine..and within 5 minutes, I kid you not...
my first words in over an hour other than "ow, ow, ow," or "help me, please help me"
Al looked at me like I was NUTS... the nurse looked at me and laughed! Unceremoniously, after about 30 minutes while waiting for cat scans(which they still give me just to make sure)...and talking about emergency surgery options with doctors...
I felt it go...
I swear I HEARD it go...
but I was high as a kite so maybe not... : )
and just like that I go home, $7000 ER bill later... I just walk to the car and go home...
Man, can I just tell you, that I have never felt a hangover like the one I had from whatever they gave me that night... I can see how people get addicted, because I felt so rotten that I might have pushed a pain killer button if I was still at the hospital (they give you those after surgery..appendectomy, on the books here too...I must like belly surgery or something!)
ok, so that was way more about me than you...sorry...
I guess I have some pent up issues surrounding this darn hernia that needed venting...
the whole point was to say that as much as the hernia sucks..and it does, really..so inconvenient...I'm scared of the surgery... and don't want to do it. It feels somehow like an elective procedure to me... because most of the time it's no big deal. But the doctor wants me to schedule as soon as I can, to get it done.
Oh yeah, that was the point too...
I spent almost THREE hours in the waiting room today to see the doctor for probably 5 minutes tops.
how much does that suck?
But the good thing is that I came away with a good heavy dose of perspective(always helpful, especially when focused on my own fear and mostly ridiculous trepidation over the surgery I need). A lot of the people that I waited with are dying, or really could die soon. There were a lot of colon cancer surgeries and other much worse diagnoses than mine. My little problem is nothing compared to the things that these people and their families are going through.
And truth be told. They had sent me some information in the mail letting me know that there would be a wait and to bring a book. I actually worked on a project(which will soon be the subject of a different post) for Emily. Being the Mama of three means that 3 hours of time that no one talked to me, while I addressed envelopes, and collated papers, while feeling excited about the outcome of said project...was kind of nice.
It only got a little old when EVERYONE but this one angry, bitter man wanted to talk to me about how much waiting sucked. I couldn't help it...
I just said "well, I actually am enjoying the peace and quiet of getting something accomplished here" with a smile...
but he didn't get the hint... he kept talking... so I kind of nodded occasionally , but was very happy when they called me back shortly afterward! : )
There's so much more of the day too... involving much tickling and general family playfulness, followed by family snuggling and calm time...but I am spent from that vent... so that will have to be the end of my post today.
Today I am thankful that I am mostly healthy!
I am thankful that I got some good fun family time in today!
I am thankful that I have a fun surprise project in the works for Emily's birthday!
I am thankful that the girls don't have cavities and did well at the dentist today!
Rob Roy Cocktail
3 days ago