blog post attempt # 347

ok, maybe I haven't tried to do 346 previous blog posts... but it feels like it.
things have been decidedly hectic at the Fey household this week!
again..
yes, I know you are probably getting bored with posts about how my life overwhelms me... but imagine being the overwhelmed one all the time!! : P

list of top however many things spinning through my brain at a torrential rate...

I am getting my surgery in just a few days.
This makes me simultaneously happy and scared.
I know logically that I will be fine.
Nothing will go wrong and I will be going home a few short hours from the time that they put me under....
BUT... I have only been put under two other times in my life, first during a routine removal of my wisdom teeth, where I woke up in the middle, with the first sound being one of my teeth being shattered.. hence throwing me into a panic(from the confusion of waking up that way) and having to be gassed... waking up with bruises all over my arms, apparently from trying to pull out the tubes when I was originally waking in the middle of surgery... and confusing memories of the whole thing.. not exactly the most pleasant experience of my life. Of course the other time went just fine. I had to have an emergency appendectomy. Unfortunately, when I woke up the next day I puked and puked.. still not sure if it was from the anesthesia or what... either way the whole thing leaves me a little uneasy.

ok that's one of the things taking turns on my inner merry-go-round.
another is that my boy has been acting wacky for about a week and a half. Is it that he is picking up on my own anxiety? Does he know something that I don't know? Is he teething like a crazy man? Is he going through his own completely unrelated issues, tripping out because he is getting so much more independent that it scares him at times?
no clue... but I do know that I am having a harder time being patient with him, since it is going on over a week of him being velcro boy, who cries every time I put him down... do you remember that sharpie commercial (I think) where the baby cries the second his toe touches the floor, but is fine when he is being held by his mom? Well, that is my boy..and his almost 30 pound butt is hard to carry around right now.. because of this darn hernia...

another thing going on is that my amazing daughter, Emily, has decided that now would be an interesting time to have a few completely age appropriate, yet no less frustrating, teenage growing pains of her own right now... for those of you with little ones... it doesn't get any easier when they need to test their boundaries when they get older...trust me!

and a deep dark secret from a part of my head where I don't go often, has been thrown in every once in awhile, too... if something were to go horribly wrong... my babies wouldn't even remember me, Emily would but the babies are too little to have much more than people tell them later. I know that nothing tragic is going to happen. It is much more likely that if something went wrong, I would poo in a bag for the rest of my life(oh yeah, that's another unpleasant thought making a cameo in my head...because let's face it... that would suck!), and not that I wouldn't make it through... it is a very standard non-complicated procedure... but honestly, I haven't even had my last two babies in a hospital(I had them both in the same bed, with amazing midwives, and the same nurse at a free standing birth center... I'll tell you about it sometime... they are both good stories! : ) I know that even giving these thoughts a second glance gives them more energy, but it's hard to keep them from making an appearance every once in awhile anyway...

Well, there's a glimpse into my crazy right now.. I really am ok.. and I KNOW that everything will be fine. I just have to try and slow down the race going around in my head.
Oh I forgot to mention that a frantic woman called me YESTERDAY about the fact that I need to have a two hour pre-op appointment on Monday.. no other day... well my hubby has to take 4 days off for me to do this and that is a kind of big deal around here... we need him to work every day that he can.... so... blah blah blah.. it's worked out... but I do wish they had told me about that when I called and asked them about it almost a month ago...sigh.. whatever... it will be ok. I am just ready for it to be over soon!

On a completely different front... we tried to go to the zoo today, but ended up taking an amazing adventure on the search for proof of spring at the park today. We found all different sorts of seeds, and have officially adopted two trees. We are going to watch them through the season to see what happens. We played in a big puddle for almost 30 minutes... and they still didn't want to leave.
I LOVE SPRING!!!!
Thank you bringing new life and beauty into the world. What a glorious time of year!! : )

Today I am thankful that I am able to get this surgery done very soon and start a new healthier life.

I am glad that we were able to salvage a pretty rough morning with some sunshine and dirt! : )