Home is where the heart is!

Wow!
I had a great trip!

I don't think I could have a had a better time! I had time to myself, to think. I had time to exercise whenever I wanted to.. that was awesome! I saw my grandparents... what a gift... I wish I had had more time with them! I got to see some old friends. I got to spend time with just Emily, which is rare so very much enjoyed, since we were such a team for such a long time. I had two LONG travel days so it was SOOOO short! it was only 3 days without travel and that is not alot of time when you haven't been somewhere in 5 years!! I truly enojoyed this break from my everyday life! It put a few things into perspective which I may have been feeling a little skewed in my head lately.

This last week that I have been home I have been playing catch up.

My husband did an amazing job with the kids! In fact, I was hoping he would be happy to go back to work and get away, giving me all kinds of accolades on the difficult job I do everyday... but he wishes he could be a Mr. mom I think. I was very proud and touched by how well he did while I was away. The house condition was surface lovely and kind of crazy underneath the piles, but the most important thing was that the kids were happy.... and they were.

Go Dad!! : )

I found out a number of things about myself while I was away. I found out that if left to my own devices and no time restraints or babies underfoot, I will exercise like a crazy woman... just because I can! I woke up at 6 every morning and went for the most incredible walks in the desert. I saw all kinds of desert life and even saw a lizard caught by a bird of prey about 7 yards away. It was fascinating... a little scary.. and definitely awe-inspiring! I also got to go swimming every single day, often twice, because my mom has a pool. I didn't know how much exercise AND relaxation you could get from a pool! I found out that I really love being around my kids everyday(which I already knew... but that fact was reinforced!). At first it was very hard. I cried myself to sleep the first night because I missed my babies so much. I also realized that my day to day can be a little overwhelming at times, and I need to investigate ways to proactively change that. It took me a few days to miss my man. We are having a difficult period of growth right now that is a little painful. I have faith that at the other side is a better and more fullfilling relationship for both of us... but right this second, it is a little straining. We have an amazing amount of love for each other, but we have a few bad habits that we are working on. That being said, while I was away I did nothing but talk all kinds of nice on him, I think. I met up with a ex..whatever... and the truth is I was hoping for a little innocent flirtation... instead I ended up annoying him with talking about how great my hubby is... and truthfully feeling at the time... ok, Ruth, that's one more what-if crossed of my list! I love my husband more than I can explain, but at times I fanatsize about a slightly easier life. At this point this is the longest relationship I have every maintained... and sometimes I wonder if every choice I made has been the right one... but, I guess my truth is that I wouldn't want to be anywhere else... with anyone else... doing anything else. I love my life and my family and as flawed as we are.... we love each other. We want the best for each other and work as hard as we can to make our lives what we want them to be. I don't think you could ask for anything more than that! : )

ok maybe I could ask for the winning lottery numbers, but as far as the really important things... we've got our bases covered! : )

Sadly for me, there was a slight memory card snafoo, so I don't have any pictures of my vacation, until Emily comes home and brings them to me. But, what I do have are some shots that my hubby took for me, while I was missing my kids.

...and also a few shots from the garden. Involving the same memory card issue, I don't have a lot of new shots from the garden, but hopefully tomorrow I will be able to get some... I think I've fixed the problem at this point.(ok I am not adding the photos, but promise to be on soon to update on the beautiful garden that has been developing this season!!)

For now enjoy a few happy moments in the last 2 weeks! : )




Al had never uploaded a picture, so I showed him how right before I left. This is my idea of a test shot... charming woman really I am.... : )













The kids at the Science Center while I was away.





Al and the kids in the awesome hanging castle we got last christmas that my hubby finally hung up while I was away! : )










Sophia with a new outfit my grammie made for the bear my sister made for the girls.







Roscoe flirting with himself in the mirror. He is NOT supposed to be up on that basket.. but he can't see otherwise, so I look away! : ) That is his favortie hat of the moment! I love mirror shots!




Today I am grateful for the loving family I have and the fullfillment I receive from them everyday!
I am thankful that I got to have a little get-away to relax and remind myself what my important things are!
I am grateful that I got to see how strong I have become, even if I don't always have the time to show myself here at home!!

VACATION!!

Wooo Hoo!
I am headed to AZ to see my grandparents, Mom, Step Dad and some old friends.... tomorrow!
My dear friends I have been doing so many exciting things.... just to name a few
Making Kim Chi
canning my first soup, a Turkey Vegetable Soup in my steam canner
discovering (and falling in love with) a brand new vegetable from the Farmer's Market, Kohlrabi and finding fun uses for them.
I have been taking pictures of everything... and the truth is I have no time right now for leisure activities.
Sadly, I am so busy doing fun stuff I don't have as much time to tell you about it. I am hoping to adjust and come back more often..... sorry.
I know that I keep coming here and saying sorry ...whoops it's been awhile...so at this point I am going to stop apologizing and just do what I can, when I can. I hope that you all know that I still read you and think of you too!
For now I have to go finish packing because I have to leave at 5:00AM.... yikes! It is about 2:00AM and I am still packing... so short and sweet. I will take lots of pictures and do my darndest to put them up!
I have had so many crazy emotions about this trip... that I would think about sharing.. and then I would be pooped and head to bed! ; )
I am leaving my babies for the very first time... as well as my hubby. The oldest is coming too and staying for over 3 weeks! She does this every summer and gets good and spoiled... hangs out by herself... has time to create and just be... and it is great for her. I am joining her this year because I haven't seen my grandparents in 5 years... and they are getting older and I just don't want to miss the opportunity to see them in person and not just hear about them through Facebook! I wish that we lived closer.. they mean so very much to me... so I am going to get to re-connect with them. I will also go out one night with a few freinds that I still have around there. It feels very strange to not have my family with me... other than Emily that is. Although it is also an opportunity to spend time with my oldest daughter, which will be nice because it was just she and I for a lot of years. We have a different kind of relationship because we were a team for the first 8 years of her life... we are very close and it is hard to spend a lot of quiet time with anyone(husband or any one child you have) when you have a family of five in a certain amount of space! : )
So I hope that you all are doing great. I have been doing well still with exercising... I have been adding jogging to my hiking/stair/speed walking park thing I try to do every day...
I have so much more to say to you... but I need a tiny bit of sleep to function with out being an awful bitch tomorrow during our 10 hour travel day!


Today I am grateful that my Mom got me a ticket to visit this summer!
I am thankful that I have a capable husband who will make it a little easier for me to leave my kids for the first time!
I am thankful that I still have old friends to see even though it has been 5 years and I am not the super best at correspondence (ahem... nothing like my blog at all... what are you talking about!) : )

A Quickie!

I am feeling much better!
I went to the doctor and got drained... literally, with a comically large needle... well, not the actual needle just the plunger part... it was gross... BUT I feel tons better and now I shouldn't ever have to see my stinky doc again. I wanted to write a big long thing about it... and still might at some point, but right now it is too negative of a thought... and now that it is over (we hope)...
I am moving right along. quickly.

I have mentioned my plummeting body image with this whole situation and I have started actively doing something about it.
I have a plan.
It involves paying very close attention to what I am putting in my body(at least until I break a few bad habits, like eating late at night)... I had stopped being as diligent over the past year or so.... and I no longer have that excuse. I didn't realize that I was using it... until the reason was gone. I also didn't realize how much I had given up on myself in this last period of time. The fact is that even the simplest things would hurt me... so I just stopped movin and groovin...
well, I'm ready to dance, again!

I am using an online source, SparkPeople, to track my food and be realistic about my caloric intakeand calories burned. It has a lot of good resources and message boards for support and so forth. I am still nursing, but he is 18 months old and it is not his only nutrition. I am in the process of don't ask/don't refuse.... meh... we'll see how it goes...
anyway... I want to get outside again and go to the park now that it is getting nice here finally. I maintained my weight throughout the last year, even lost some, but my body got so soft(and aged a lot!) from the lack of exercise. I was so much healthier last spring/summer because we went to the park everyday...and I wore Roscoe and ran around with Sophia.
I'm ready to go and play again.

Of course I'm not ready for that yet physically... but I will be soon. I am doing super light weights and slow and easy stretches. I know my body well enough to know when to stop. I forced info from my fabulous doc and now know that I can push the fluid back inside and not hurt myself...
{short story, I have a cap where the hernia used to go, it fills with fluid when I over do it... but if I relax I can get the fluid back in, like I used to with the actual hernia...as long as I'm gentle and calm. This cap will take anywhere from 6 weeks to 6 months to heal... depending.. but at least now I know what it is and how to deal with it!}

I know that some of you are also stay at home moms... how do you find time to exercise? I want to be able to walk at first, to warm my body up (it's been fairly dormant!)...and work up to walking with some actual speed... and the only alone time I get is at 1 and 2 in the morning... not exactly a good time for walking the ghetto! : )
Any suggestions are welcome.. although I can say now that a gym is not financially possible (not to mention when I would go...).. I just need some good ideas of how to carve out some time for myself. It sounds good ( and is necessary), but I'm not sure how I can actually pull it off.

ok, just wanted to pop in and say hi! I'm here... I have a few different posts partially done.. a few recipes, and a project for my other blog. I'll get them up soon, but my Dad is coming to town this weekend so it might be a week or so still. Thanks for coming around when I can get here! : )

Today I am thankful that I have somehow flipped my positive switch back on....and it seems fairly stable in the happy position... ya! : )

I am grateful that my Dad will be here this weekend. His visits can sometimes stress me out.. but more in a good way than bad! I wish he could come more often!